Wonkette Movie Night: Krampus

'Where's the nog? I need to get merry.'

Krampus is a horned beastly figure who is believed to work alongside St. Nicholas during the dark hours of Dec. 5 before the celebrations of Saint Nicholas Day begin on Dec. 6. As St. Nick hands out gifts to the well-behaved children, Krampus takes care of the naughty ones by beating them with a birch stick. The myth is believed to go back to at least the 1600s with origins in Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, Hungary, Liechtenstein, and Italy, although it is now a world wide celebration.

Milwaukee has had an annual Krampusnacht going back to 2017; all across the globe street festivals celebrate the event with fire and costumed performers. Although the origin of Krampus is dark and smells of child abuse, it has become a way to face the cold of winter and indulge our love of monsters with a kickass party during the bright holiday cheer that surrounds us at this time of year. That is what I love about this movie, Krampus, a funny and scary holiday flick with monsters that are also part Christmas toy.

There are several movies that explore the legend of Krampus and St. Nick; it was tough to choose between Krampus and Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (free with ads on Tubi and Plex). Rare Exports is a Finnish film that focuses on discovering an evil being that is apparently the true Santa Claus. In Krampus I love the variety of evil creatures that torment a family that has to come together to celebrate the holiday, even though they don’t really like each other that much. Monsters created using only practical effects and puppetry that add to the fun. There’s several behind-the-scenes videos exploring the development of the monsters for the movie and the actor portraying Krampus showed what it was like to climb into the costume that weighed 70 pounds in this clip.

A big part of the creepiness of Krampus is more than its monsters, it is the bleak, snow-covered, and icy landscape that the family finds itself surrounded by. That softening of sound created by a thick cover of snow, the blowing wind and grey skies making it hard to see what is out there beyond the safety of your own home. It is claustrophobic and unnerving knowing that you cannot leave your house while there just might be monsters in the attic.

Flashing back to when Evan reminded us that in Joe and Jill Biden’s White House at Christmastime there was no “room with a trap door where Krampus kidnaps children and removes them to Eastern Europe.” I am not so sure about the current occupants of the White House. Might want to check under that new ballroom.

Jill Biden's Christmas Display Doesn't Even Have Skulls Or Pre-Recorded Screaming, Feliz Navifuckingwhatever

Krampus is available for free with ads on Dailymotion. Free with subscription on Peacock and AMC+. $3.99 in the usual places.

Krampus stars Emjay Anthony, Adam Scott, Toni Collette, David Koechner, Conchata Ferrell, Krista Stadler, Allison Tolman, and Stefania LaVie Owen. Directed by Michael Dougherty.

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The animated short is the creepy A Krampus Carol written by Anthony Bourdain. Originally intended to be part of the No Reservations Christmas Special it was cut from the show after it was “deemed too dark” according to Bon Appétit.

Our next Movie Night selection goes the opposite direction of tonight’s flick, it’s The Muppet Christmas Carol. It is available for free on the Internet Archive. Free with subscription on Disney+. $3.99 in the usual places.