Wonkette Smearing Its Big Love On Salt Lake City Tomorrow! (Or Tonight!)

Trix, Shy and "friends"

Salt Lake City, comin' atcha! We shall invade your Drinking Liberally, as is our wont, and in exchange for letting us annex you, we shall buy you pitchers of your silly low-test beer tomorrow (or tonight?), anyway, Friday. BUT ALSO! San Francisco, we have heard your incessant Bay Area whining, and are going WAY OUT OF OUR WAY to add you to this trip. So shut your kvetch holes already, in Mormon Jesus's name we pray, amen.

Our itinerary so far!

Fri., Oct. 23: Salt Lake City!Back room of Piper Down, 1492 S. State St. We shall roll in fashionably late, like 7: 30 p.m., as we have to get the Official Wonkette Baby to sleep first with her babysitters, who are two moms that we hope are sister wives.

Sun., Oct. 25: Las Vegas!We shall grill you American foods at the home of Wonker "Frances." 3258 Velvet Rose St., Las Vegas NV 89135 blah blah. Shall we call it 2 to 7 p.m.? We shall. Bring something to share, particularly if you are a Nevada medical marijuana patient, as we're not holding on our way through Utah because we are not stupid.

Tue., Oct. 27: Los Angeles!Eat French dips and drink craft cocktails with us at Cole's downtown. Buy your own craft cocktails, cuz Cole's is spendy, but also I miss it, so just fucking meet us there already, okay? Let's call it "6 to 10 p.m.," because that sounds fine.

Thurs., Oct. 29: Orange County, CA!I don't know where yet. I'll let you know.

Sun., Nov. 1: San Diego!See above.

And now to shut up yourSan Franfacemouths: Nov. 7! Fight about where in the comments.

OK we love you bye.