Well, my dear Wonketteers, Yr. Teen Kolumnist has been given the privilege of reminding you once again of the shittiness of high-school life. Howevsies, this week's topic relates to all of you, even now! For, as I am sure you know, breakups are the shittiest of shits, they are the shit to rule them all, the shit to find them, the shit to bring them all, and in the darkness make them even shittier (Dok has informed me that I have reached my limit for swears or LOTR quotes. Can't remember, I wasn't listening).
My best friend's two-year relationship was so tortuously full of red flags that it put me off from dating until college. My daughter on the other came home from middle school one day a couple of years ago and proceeded to tell me that her best friend was now dating a guy who dumped her (daughter) the year before and broke her heart. I said "I don't remember you being that upset about him breaking up with you". She said "Well, you saw me after you came home from work and that was hours later. I was over it by then."
LIke most things, the internet will ruin the memory hole where high school dating, friendships, breakups and bullshit goes after graduation. (Even getting a GED is no escape from the drama, amirite Bristol?) All those people who could ruin your life by tinkering with your insecurities -- forgotten through the magic of turning twenty. But now Facebook and those pictures will follow you forever, even into the afterlife I'm sure with their Ghost™ app (now in beta).
No, the WORST break-up is where you are forced by fucking poverty to still live w/ the breaker-upper for a year after the trainwreck, while they go on dates, continue successful careers, and generally untie the albatross (you) from their neck.
The worst breakup I had was in kindergarten. Trouble was, she said she hated me, but we still had to sleep together.
Yeah, yeah, they called it "nap time" back then. Same difference.
Jilted John <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watc..." target="_blank">" rel="nofollow noopener" title="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMj1xM8QCRg">http://www.youtube.com/watc...
My best friend&#039;s two-year relationship was so tortuously full of red flags that it put me off from dating until college. My daughter on the other came home from middle school one day a couple of years ago and proceeded to tell me that her best friend was now dating a guy who dumped her (daughter) the year before and broke her heart. I said &quot;I don&#039;t remember you being that upset about him breaking up with you&quot;. She said &quot;Well, you saw me after you came home from work and that was hours later. I was over it by then.&quot;
LIke most things, the internet will ruin the memory hole where high school dating, friendships, breakups and bullshit goes after graduation. (Even getting a GED is no escape from the drama, amirite Bristol?) All those people who could ruin your life by tinkering with your insecurities -- forgotten through the magic of turning twenty. But now Facebook and those pictures will follow you forever, even into the afterlife I&#039;m sure with their Ghost&trade; app (now in beta).
Hey, Kid.
It&#039;s not you, it&#039;s me = It&#039;s you.
You never go full Sanford. It&#039;s just not done.
No, the WORST break-up is where you are forced by fucking poverty to still live w/ the breaker-upper for a year after the trainwreck, while they go on dates, continue successful careers, and generally untie the albatross (you) from their neck.