93 Comments

Dear ShyPixel and CommieGirl,

Unfortunately, due to the Constitution, I won't be able to retain this position far into the beautiful Donna Rose's ascendancy. However, I have great faith in her ability to help drag this demented country into a state of relative grace. Thanks so much for bringing her along.

Her biggest fan, Barack

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but until then, you little bitch, it’s Mister Fucking President. FYI, you will never have my job.

LOL, President Obama

This right here made all my libruls dirty parts tingle in a good wayGOSH I wish he would say that, just once, for really reals

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Nobama,Three questions,1. You know Texas is the best right?II. My glasses make me sexy and smart right?C. Uh, wait a minute, uh,what was it again...

Perry

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Dear Shit fer Brains,You need to stop doing your socialist muslim stuff your doing and help out a real American, me, who was unfairly and unjustly deprived of his 1st Amendment rights to post on Wonkette to tell them all what big pussies they are for not knowing the difference between a clip and a magazine because there shit for brains who don't understand that the 2nd Amendment protects all other amendments and my AK47 is a really cool semiautomatic rifle (not "assault gun", jesus christ) and the voices in my head are talking too fast to for me to take it all down, so slow down for gods sake.Your friend,Dan the AK47 man

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Dear Dan,

I have it on good authority that you'll put your eye out with that. But, acting on your behalf, I have notified Homeland Security to help you with any air flights you might need to take.

Concerned

Barack Hussein Obama, President

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that's a relief, Ted "Canuck" Cruz really needs a wambalance

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Dear Barry Hussain Obummerz usurper Kenyan guy,Climate change is not the fault of Big Oil. It is all your fault. IT IS ALWAYS YOUR FAULT. If a frog farts in Oregon and because of Chaos Theory, a waterspout drowns a town in Texas, that is your fault too, for not being superman and knowing everything like a white chirstian not usurper president would because that type listens so damn well to the intelligence service.So go back to Morroco if you don't love America so much you'd be willing to destroy everything else so we can have cheap gas!

Not your friend,Borge Gush

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Dear President Obama,

Please find enclosed my resume and application to be a member of your personal Secret Service detail for you and your lovely family. Also find enclosed a video demonstrating some of my highly skilled defensive techniques. I also have special training in interacting with teenagers of color so be assured your daughters are sure to love me!

I look forward to hearing from you. I can supply my own socks.

Expectantly,Cpl. Eric 'Ol' Barrel Roll' Casebolt McKinney,TX

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Listen up... man.You're fired!!!'THE' Donald Trump.PS: I mean it.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Mr. Trump, why should I listen to you?Enlight me and the whole world on that one.And no, 'because I say so!' is not a valid argumentation.YOUR Boss, BHO.

PS: Besides, my real boss saw that I was doing a good work and told me to stay around until 2017...

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Dear Mr. President

While I was a boots-on-the-ground correspondent in Kenya covering the 1998 bombing of the US Embassy in Nairobi and the recent massacre at Garissa University College, even though I was almost killed 17 times and my life was threatened every day I managed to track down a villager who knew a man whose cousin was married to a woman whose father once talked with someone who knew your father. I plan on following this up and unearthing your true birth certificate and breaking the story on my television show. Fuck it, we'll do it live! You'll never serve another term!

Sincerely,

Bill O'Reilly

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Dear President Obama

How many bedrooms are there in the White House? And do they have locks on the doors?

Your servant in ChristJim Bob Duggar

p.s. almost couldn't write that 'servant in Christ' thing with a straight face

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Mr Duggar,The White House is open for visitation so even you can't be forbidden to enter the building.Try to lure yourself into the residential areas and you WILL be put down.Permanently.

Chief Office of the White House Security(Because someone had to answer)

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Dear Bill,Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Sincerely,The other B.O.

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Dear Jim Bob,Stop by the White House, and we'll fix you up with a door with a lock.

P.S. The lock will be on the outside.

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Dear Mr. President;

There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.

PS I am not a crackpot

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Dear Barrel Roll,

Git offa me!

signed, petite blah teenager in bikini

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