13 Comments

as my aging aunt and elderly uncle are unreconstructed wingtards (and i have to visit them the weekend before the election and do not want mr. fuflans to kill them with facts and words) i am planning to tell them that by virtue of their white skin color, they have already voted by proxy.

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Wasn't there something along the lines of "We must hang together, otherwise we might be well-hung, separately."

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If the judge is Jewish, there should be no problem. I'm not sure how a Christianist judge would rule.

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Please don't shop at any of those dreadful places. Doing so will destroy your soul. Or perhaps even your body if, when you're reaching for a high shelf in the pantry, three 128-oz jars of French's mustard that you were forced to buy to eat one hot dog fall down and crush your skull.

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Is there any chance that Pennsylvanians will be weighed at the polls to make sure their weight on the license is accurate in order to vote?

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If you vote the way your dad does, it's probably an Oedipal complex.

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Ah, those were the days. Didn't Jesse just just use his rasslin' and Navy-SEAL powers to fix everything up and make Minnesota into an earthly libertarian paradise?

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MeeMee? Do you know anything about the death of Andrew Breitbart? You can tel us.

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This tissue of mendacity reeks of the sort of in-person voter fraud the good people of Pennsylvania are trying to get rid of, as soon as they find any evidence that it ever happened, or even not, because, y'know, Obama'n'shit.

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This is pretty simple, folks: if you have a dick and it's white, you get to vote!

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This post really under-delivered on the promise of dick jokes.

Voter ID has a rich tradition in Pennsylvania. Benjamin Franklin ("Wanklin' Franklin") always whipped it out when he voted and declared, "It may not be government-issued, but it is personally identifiable."

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Standing in line at the DMV for an ID a burden? Preposterous!

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Perhaps you've heard of "West Pennsyltucky"?

The Mason Dixon Line was a reliable guide for so long, but now you also have to factor in proximity to major bodies of water and/or urban areas to determine the likelihood of hate, fear, and racial bigotry.

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