Won't You Shelter Yr Wonkette In Cleveland And Philadelphia For Convention Time Funsies?
I will sleep at your house!
HOLA, Wonkerinos! As you may have heard, we (I), yr Wonkette (I, Evan), are (am) coming to Cleveland and Philadelphia in the latter half of July to make trouble (DO JOURNALISM) at the GOP and Democratic Conventions! We ... Oh fuck it, I expect to see all of you!
But here is the thing, and there is a thing. I will not be in the Wonkebago, because I asked Rebecca to FedEx it to me and she refused. I will instead be in the Wonke-Volvo, which IS TOO A THING, and I am coming from Memphis and taking a whole tour of Rust Belt US America! And instead of spending eleventy billion Ameros staying at the W like a common King Of Spain, I would prefer to stay with you people, and eat your food, for at least some of it! Here are all the locations I might maybe need to come and lounge all over your La-Z-Boy and drink your liquor:
Nashville.
Louisville or Cincinnati.
CLEVELAND duh, I have to stay somewhere while I am doing the GOP stuff! (Oh, and in Cleveland, there might be an intern Dominic too!)
PHILADELPHIA duh, I have to stay somewhere while Wonkette is being Shillary for Hillary!
Roanoke maybe. Or Knoxville maybe.
I leave Memphis on Friday, the 15th. The GOP convention runs Monday the 18th through Thursday the 21st, and the Democratic convention is Monday through Thursday the following week. If I go the Virginia/Knoxville way, I will be coming through that last weekend of July sometime!
So, if you can offer shelter and things, please email me at Evan at Wonkette dot com, tell me about yourself and your location, and send me a picture of Justin Trudeau, because I like those.
ALSO TOO: In Philadelphia and Cleveland, we will be having Wonkette Drinky Things, hosted by ME, on the Sundays before the conventions start. If you have ideas for where to do those and can help rustlin' up the natives, also email me about that!
Thank you, and we now return you to your scheduled programming of dick jokes and Sarah Palin is A Idiot.
I get misty and nostalgic about Volvo. The late Dad o' Sissy, whose first language was not English, referred to Swedish-made cars as "the vulva." Once had to run interference for him in a parking lot when he complimented a lady on her well-made vulva.
Must have been fun shoehorning that Mustang engine in there. With a supercharger no less.