Y'all Aren't Gonna Believe This, But Kellyanne Conway Is A HORRIBLE ASSHOLE

George, GET OUT.

Late Wednesday, the internet got lit on FAAAAAAAHR, Y'ALL, because "Kellyanne and George Conway" was trending on Twitter. Were they getting divorced? Did George murder Kellyanne with a thousand tweets? Did the Bowling Green Massacre happen in their house ?

No! It was just that the Washington Post  gave us the inside scoop piece on the Conway marriage that none of us even knew we were craving! IT. IS. DELICIOUS.

The most important thing you need to know is that in this article, we witness Kellyanne Conway quite literally talking shit about her husband ON BACKGROUND, and attempting to convince the WaPo journalist that she had made ground rules that any shit-talking she did about her husband was to be ON BACKGROUND. "A source close to the couple" says George is a piece of shit. "A friend familiar with their marriage" says George dutch ovens Kellyanne every night.  

Look at this craven asshole:

Here's a conversation from a few days after our walk:

Me: You told me you found [George's tweets] disrespectful.

Kellyanne: It is disrespectful, it's a violation of basic decency, certainly, if not marital vows . . . as "a person familiar with their relationship."

Me: No, we're on the record here. You can't say after the fact "as someone familiar."

Kellyanne: I told you everything about his tweets was off the record.

Me: No, that's not true. That never happened.

Kellyanne: Well, people do see it this way. People do see it that way, I don't say I do, but people see it that way.

Me: But I'm saying we never discussed everything about his tweets being off the record. There are certain things you said that I put off the record.

Kellyanne: Fine. I've never actually said what I think about it and I won't say what I think about it, which tells you what I think about it.

That's it. No Kellyanne Conway quote can ever top that exchange ever, according to a person familiar with Wonkette's opinions about Kellyanne Conway quotes.

The rest of the article is wonderful too. It of course focuses on how Kellyanne Conway is a terrible dickhead with no soul who works for the Trump administration, whereas George Conway is still a piece of shit human -- just look at his professional history -- but has joined the ranks of people who fucking haaaaaaaaate Donald Trump, because he has a functioning human brain.

The WaPo journalist, Ben Terris, notes that if people are wondering how Kellyanne 'n' George live together without killing each other's faces all the time, they must consider where they live. There's a picture of it on Zillow, which says it clocks in at either 11,478 or 15,000 square feet, depending on which part of the listing you're reading. They bought it for a cool $7.785 million last year, which is a bargain considering it had been listed at $12 million back in 2011. (More house porn if you hit that link.) It's across Rock Creek Park from Kalorama, where Jared 'n' Ivanka live like fucking paupers in a house that's only 6,870 square feet. Wonkette scoffs at Jared 'n' Ivanka's cottage, according to a person close to Wonkette.

George Conway used to love Trump, but he became disillusioned after seeing what a shithole president Trump is. Kellyanne has a paycheck to earn. That is the depth of the complexity here. Upon showing Terris a picture of Conway on election night, this exchange ensued:

"That photo was from before you cried," Kellyanne says.

"Now I cry for other reasons," George mutters.

Kellyanne pretends to ignore that comment, something she's been doing a lot of lately.

"You gotta see this picture," George, 54, says. "You should like this, it's your boss."

"He's not just my boss," Kellyanne, 51, says. "He's our president."

"Yeah," George says, walking out of the room. "We'll see how long that lasts."

ICE. COLD.

Terris and Kellyanne Conway go on a very long walk together, during which she says it's ironic like rain on your wedding day that feminists hate her, because after all isn't she living the life they want? According to a source close to feminists who write words at Wonkette, that is some fucking bullshit because nowhere in feminist literature does it say "the ultimate goal is to tell lies for puss-grabbing alleged billionaires with obvious skin conditions in exchange for money." Maybe K-Con is just behind on her Audre Lorde.

She also says she didn't like it when Trump forced a crisis at the border and then started ripping families apart, but it wasn't his fault, because for the purposes of Kellyanne's bank account, nothing is Trump's fault.

Kellyanne Conway talked some of her shit about George on the record:

"I feel there's a part of him that thinks I chose Donald Trump over him," Kellyanne says as we walk. "Which is ridiculous. One is my work and one is my marriage." [...]

"Nobody knows who I am because of my husband," she says. "People know of my husband because of me."

And what does George think about all this?

"If there's an issue," George said, "it's because she's in that job, for that man."

It's called divorce, George Conway. You need one.

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[ Washington Post ]