You Want Rolls For Thanksgiving, We've Got What You Knead (GET IT?)

You probably don't get it.

People from all walks of life love yeast rolls, probably even abnormal people with borderline personality disorders. Pets love them, too. If you're not careful, dogs will help themselves into a state of drunkenness by enjoying batches of raw dough.

Yeast rolls take several hours to prepare, but the payout is a couple dozen bites of joy. As they bake, your home will smell good enough to sell. Satisfying, boosts the value of real estate -- these rolls are an excellent investment of your time.

Yeast rolls are great with butter, jam, butter and jam, or combine all three to make a yeast roll slider.

Ingredients

½ c. milk

½ c. sugar

1 ½ tsp. kosher salt

¼ c. butter, melted

½ c. water, lukewarm-ish

2 envelopes of yeast

2 eggs, beaten

4 ½ c. all purpose flour, extra for kneading

butter, room temperature, as needed

In a saucepan, scald milk and remove from heat. Stir in the next three ingredients, and let it cool.

In a large mixing bowl, combine lukewarm water with yeast, and stir gently until dissolved. Add the cooled milk mixture, beaten eggs, and about two and a half cups of flour. Blend until the dough is sticky. Keep adding flour, a half-cup at a time, until you have a pliant ball of dough.

On a floured surface, knead the dough for about 10 minutes. It will seem so boring. Ask someone to turn some music on, because your hands are a mess and you can't. Better? Much. Kneading helps release gluten, and we need gluten to make light and chewy rolls. Gluten gets a ton of bad press, but I will have whatever gluten you don't want. I wish I were made of gluten.

Rinse out that big bowl you had a few minutes ago, pat it dry, and smear the inside with butter. Put the dough back into the bowl and roll it around a few times to coat. Cover the bowl and let the dough rise in a warm spot for about an hour.

After an hour, the dough should have doubled in size. Punch it down, and let it rise for another hour, until it has doubled in size again.

Grease about four cake pans, or two cookie sheets -- either is fine. Turn the dough out on a floured surface, to make it easier to handle. Pull off pieces of the dough (about the size of a big walnut), and form into balls. Place these in your pans or cookie sheets. The rolls should not quite touch. Brush these with butter and set aside to allow the rolls to rise for another hour.

Preheat the oven to 425º. Bake rolls for 15-20 minutes, or until brown. Remove from pan, and allow them to cool on wire racks for about 5-10 minutes. After that, you and your people can have as many as you want.

Enjoy!

 You want Wonkette to be able to afford to buy ingredients for ROLLS? Click below to give us money!