Your Artisanal Small Batch Hand-Crafted Wonker-Made Or Sold Etsy Stores!

Nobody said nothing about buying nothing *tomorrow*!

Hello loves, it’s Black Friday aka Buy Nothing Day, so maybe you could do some shopping tomorrow. If you’re looking for Wonkette stuff, and nobody is anymore I don’t think we’ve had a sale in a month, probably because of how we haven’t put a new design in the store for a solid three years, you can find it at Wonkette Bazaar! If you’re going to be shopping on Amazon anyway, we invite you to use our link to give us a small commission. We’ll get it on anything you buy from the time you click until you check out or close tab, whichever comes first.

Now on to what you’ve waited for all year, it’s the Wonkette Wonkers Etsy Stores Stravaganza!

This takes me back fifty years to my babyhood, when my godfather would send my parents LSD secreted in tie-dyed baby onesies for moi! Your friend Gay makes tie-dyes of love! LSD presumably not included! (Aspen Gem LLC on Etsy)

Your friend Kevin Dunn sells peppy sort of They Might Be Giantsy (but not the kids’ songs) and maybe a little bit Violent Femmesy and possibly also sort of Southern Culture on the Skids songs on Bandcamp! I love it very much!

Your friend Flea Market Economy sells fairly spendy legit Mid Century Modern beauties on eBay! As well as plaster teeth molds, obviously.

Your friend Caroline sells spectacular “spoon rings,” oh my god, they’re so pretty! Plus pendants and upcycled statement bracelets. Somebody send this link to Shy please! — Revival Reloved on Etsy

Somebody’s kid works at Holler Health Justice — “a BIPOC- & queer-led racial, economic & reproductive justice nonprofit in West Virginia” — fuck yeah! Here’s their merch store! I love their graphic for PRESERVE abortion rights (get it?) because it reminds me of a fetus in a jar, and I am gross!

The CUTENESS at Craft Pixie Creations! Which do you choose, I choose the crocheted spiders. (Etsy)

Your friend Paul does spectacular nature photos! — Paul Rebmann art

I wipe out your friend Irreverant Housewife’s inventory of hilarious pot holders every Christmas, and every Christmas she has more! I love these the most of all my kitchen things, of which I have much!

Your friend Sue makes beautiful quilts and shit out of empty booze bottles, as is the Wonkette way. (SamBabyStudio on Etsy)

Your friend Chris Carroll wants you to read his substack (and probably subscribe!) about all the iconic rock photos he’s taken through the years and the stories behind the music, to coin a phrase nobody ever said before!

I don’t know what is up with your friend MR Dimond’s mystery books: Are the cats villains? Are only some of the cats villains? They look like they might be villains. I would like to find out!

Your friend Calico Valley made you a coupon, for to buy CDs! Also, to go with your CDs, you’re probably going to need a weird rock. (eBay)

Your friend Maclare’s Fun House has a bunch of weird shit! No weird rocks that I see though. — eBay

Your friend David N. Brown writes books about zombie movies and exotroopers! What are exotroopers? I don’t know! (Amazon)

Somebody’s kid sells tarot, silks, Japanoisie, and teacups! — Kitsune Boutique

Somebody’s son sells the best sweetgrass in town. Don’t tell Shy I bought him that beautiful brass burner. — Montana Meadowlark

Somebody’s daughter hand-dyes yarn and it is GORGEOUS. (Retold Yarns)

Your friend Andrea sells the most gorgeous vintage decor and kitchenware! — Moon Lake Vintage

Your friend Rusty writes books about B’ARS. (Wonkette commission link)

You guys always love the stationery and cards from Space Pig Press the most!

That’s it until your afternoon cocktail, coming at 4:20 eastern! Don’t forget to

I got a fever! And the only prescription is GIVING MONEY TO WONKETTE!