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Your Official Wonkette Editorial Policy On Syria Is Here And We Regret to Inform You It Involves Talking About Louie Gohmert
With all the big doings about Syria and Congress this weekend, we thought it was high time to unveil our official Wonkette editorial policy on Syria. Ready? Really ready? Our editorial policy is ???????? because what the hell do we know? We are certain that Sarah Palin is both a terrible and stupid human being because that is a given. Beyond that, we are largely keeping our big yaps shut because until we become geopolitical experts you don't really need to hear our feels and thoughts. Would that the GOP would follow our lead on this matter.
We would not ask Louie Gohmert (R-Clueless) for advice on how to tie our shoes, because if we did, they would end up a Gordian knot of stupid around our ankles. We certainly don't want to hear from Gomer on Syria, because he thinks that Saddam sent his chemical weapons on over to Syria and also too there were nuclear weapons or maybe not because we cannot untangle his syntax:
“There were rumors about them moving over into Syria and other countries but they never were able to verify where they went but we knew he had them,” the congressman charged, referring to false claims that Iraq moved its weapons to Syria. “There was talk about nuclear arms, but we knew he had those and now we know Syria has them.”
Dumb as this is, we are pretty sure that some of the even lesser players in the GOP passion play are dumber:
Rep. Lee Terry (R-Neb.) said on Thursday that he is against military intervention in Syria, even though his "gut feeling" is that the Syrian government now possesses chemical weapons that came from fallen Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussain.
We probably do not need to inform you that Lee Terry loved him some war in Iraq over imaginary chemical weapons but is not now down with military action because Barack Obama overreach pussy blackity black Kenyan Muslin or something like that.
Our whole new Syria policy also makes us have to agree that John McCain is being semi-thoughtful about the whole mess, and it literally pains us to acknowledge this. Walnuts is apparently now down with military action because moderate muslins are cool and he guarantees it:
[Fox and Friends host Brian] Kilmeade noted that Reuters had recently obtained amateur video that seemed to show rebels shooting down a Syrian fighter jet and then shouting, “Allahu Akbar!”
“I have a problem helping those people out, if they’re screaming that after a hit,” Kilmeade said.
“Would you have a problem with American Christians saying, ‘Thank God, thank God’?” McCain asked. “That’s what they’re saying. Come on. Of course, they are Muslims, but they are moderates. And I guarantee you that they are moderates.”
We are as comforted by the thought of guarantees from John McCain as we are of advice from Gohmert. Like, Official Wonket Syria Editorial Policy, in addition to ???, also includes "we are not necessarily against military action to stop human rights atrocities, but also nobody knows who these fuckers are and it is probably the Mujahideen all over again, but we won't know until Dana Rohrabacher kisses them on the mouth."
Still, we kinda have to give it up for the old man for using the opportunity to smack down Laura Ingraham because who wouldn't?
During an appearance on Fox & Friends to drum up support for an attack on Syria, host Steve Doocy told McCain that Ingraham had accused him of “flip-flopping on his support for President Obama” because he supported a congressional resolution authorizing military action.[...]
“So, I just beg to differ, I’m sure that with her vast knowledge of military tactics and strategy, she knows better than me,” the Arizona senator added, cracking himself up with remark.
Oh, John McCain. Even when you are not being a dick, you are still being a dick. We semi-salute you sorta.