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Your Constantly Updated Wisconsin Recall Liveblog! (Send Us Pix/Stories!)
Only a few more hours until cherished Wisconsin krusher of collective action Scott Walker fends off some old liberal and destroys progressive politics forever! Or the old liberal pulls off the comeback upset of the decade and fends off Scott Walker and allows progressive politics to gradually stroll to its own destruction instead! Either way, the winner is clearly progressive politics. Huh? Here are some things that are happening in Wisconsin on this day, the day of St. Ronaldus Magnus Jr.'s recall election. (UPDATE: The lady who runs Wonkette has decided to turn this into a un-timestamped-but-still-livebloggy mcdongle type thing, so just keep refreshing for all of the important updates about "cheese state politics.")
READER: ARE YOU IN WISCONSIN?Send us stories/pix/video -- the good things in life -- about what it's like "on the ground" today from your state. Tips@wonkette.com .
Today in Wisconsin:
There is an election in Wisconsin today.
The Real Clear Politics poll of polls of polls shows Walker with an average 6.7-point leader over Tom Barrett, the Milwaukee mayor and constant loser of statewide elections. One poll shows a 12-point lead, another shows a 3-point lead. Others show a 5-point lead and a 3-point lead. So, yeah, 6.7, sure.
Sorry, Nate Silver will not hold your trembling liberal hand and tell you everything's going to be okay:
Two polls released over the weekend suggest that Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin, a Republican, remains the clear favorite to win Tuesday’s recall election.
Although the contest is fairly close, polls of gubernatorial races are ordinarily quite reliable in the late stages of a race. We have not officially released a forecast for the race, but Mr. Walker’s lead of about six points would translate into almost a 95 percent chance of victory if we used the same formula we did to evaluate gubernatorial races in 2010, which derives its estimates from the historical accuracy of gubernatorial polls over the past 15 years.
How can Barrett win? It will involve Democrats giving a shit, the experts conclude:
The reason he still trails overall is that Republicans are more excited about voting, said Dean Debnam, PPP's president. "What's going to determine Tuesday's outcome is pretty simple. If Democrats turn out in the same numbers that they did in 2008 Tom Barrett will win a surprise victory. And if they don't Scott Walker will survive."
So if you are a Wisconsin Democrat you should probably vote, to help your candidate win the election.
If Democrats don't give enough of a shit -- this has happened before -- don't worry! The party has 440 lawyers on the ground ready to litigate this forever. It could cost a ton of money, though, and Democrats have been having certain money problems in this election, since rich Democrats hate their fellow coalition members in organized labor. But that's another problem. Ha ha, a really big one...
Under Wisconsin law, only a candidate can request a recount of election results. If the difference in votes is less than 0.5 percent of the total votes cast, a recount would be free to the candidate requesting it. Otherwise, the candidate requesting the recount would have to pay for it. The amount would depend on the number of votes cast and the difference between the total votes cast between candidates.
Shockingly, there may be some misleading robocalls throughout the state.
Members of the local Wisconsin foot-ball squadron, Green Bay's Packers, are all Union Thugs and therefore support the recall. "I’m proud to be a union worker. Support Wisconsin workers & Get Out the Vote on Tues. #wiunion" tweets Green Bay Packer player Jermichael Finley. "Rah rah unions blech stop Walker" (COMPOSITE TWEET) tweet some other Green Bay Packers players who hate America and its low wages and poor benefits.
Union Thugs/ACORNs are stealing the election like whoa, according to "rumors... circulating on the Internet" that someone is monitoring, although he doesn't think they're much more than rumors. When have internet rumors every been false though? Union thugs like George Soros will steal everything.
"Wisconsin exit polls show this thing is coming down to turnout," says No Shit Clichebot 5000 from its ice cave on Mike Allen's forehead.
"ralph4america" sends us a link to his website and boy howdy, ralph4america just sorta fucking "gets it."
RALPH's latest post, illustrated with a painting of George Washington tebowing:
THIS MINISTRY IS JOINING PRAYER WARRIORS ACROSS AMERICA, AS WE INTERCEDE FOR WISCONSIN, IN TONGUES, THAT THE VOTERS THERE WILL HEED WISE COUNCIL TODAY AND AVOID DISASTER!!!!!!
Fuck this liveblog, just read RALPH4AMERICA all day.
We didn't expect President Barry Obama to do much of anything to help this very important recall effort, and he didn't, until yesterday when he... tweeted something banal. GAME-CHANGER, etc, ugh.
Turnout is crazy! It's all about turnout, they say, a lot. And the turnout is crazy! Why don't people just stay at home and play video games and eat sandwiches instead; it's more fun.
"It ranges from 28 to 42 percent already; it is a huge turnout. We could hit 80 to 88 percent," Peters said of Dane County's turnout. At midday, she was fielding calls wrapping up a status report from local clerks.
You know an article's going to be funny when there's a disclaimer, in bold, saying "The above, of course, is an attempt at humor." Derpa derp how would the teevee character vote, derp?
Homer Simpson of "The Simpsons"
Since he received a free sub sandwich when he voted for Mitt Romney during the Wisconsin primary, he is hoping to get another by voting for Scott Walker.
Kenny Powers of "Eastbound and Down"
Because the egocentric baseball pitcher thrives on chaos, he is in favor of more rallies, marches and demonstrations in Madison. Votes for Walker.
Enoch "Nucky" Thompson of "Boardwalk Empire"
The thuggish, power-hungry Prohibition-era New Jersey politician is torn. A recall is a double-edged sword: He could lose his job the same way, but he also favors ousting political opponents by any means necessary. Votes for Barrett.
What a terrible society we've committed to.
ralph4america has emailed us for the third time today, with this latest scoop:
BARRETT → CLINTOON → PIAPS!!!!!!!!!
DON’T DO IT, WISCONSIN!!!!!
HEED WISE COUNSEL AND MAKE THE CONNECTIONS!!!!!
MARK 16: 18!!!!
Did you know there are a whole 17 recall elections today and 103 over the first half of the year, because everyone in the country hates the people who represent them politically? Most of them are more important than this Wisconsin nonsense, too:
Among other nuggets are that the mayors of both Troy, Montana and Troy, Michigan are facing recalls (the mayor from Montana lost). And, while it may be time to stop all of your weeping and swallow your pride, the mayor of Tombstone, Arizona was recalled. And yes, he was replaced by the owner of Johnny Ringo's bar, who will now be your huckleberry.
Here are a bunch of hippies singing in the park:
Have you, the Sconnie, not been paying attention to the issues that will be decided in this recall? Via Kos, here's a helpful fellow explaining today's choice:
All seemingly true, and yet he got the color-coding wrong. Can we trust him now?
Richard Adams atThe Guardianis also liveblogging the recall, by which we mean "jacking off to his beloved Queen's Jubilee all day."
Aside from the now
fourfive emails we've received from ralph4america, here is the shittiest email we received today: "Scott Walker ahead of Barrett on social media scorecard; Expert Available." Golly fellas, maybe we should call Expert.
Scott Walker: Ronald Reagan died eight years ago. Uhh... vote for me?
Fap-claps all around for same day voter registration:
OKAY that is the end of this liveblog. Editor Rebecca, who runs Wonkette, will be liveblogging results tonight. In the meantime, enjoy Huff Post Sideboob, a website ironically devoted to vagina shots of Jason Linkins.
HELLO. There is a new live-bloog now, HERE.