God's financial analyst. Just like all U.S. Americans, Pat Robertson woke up Monday morning to news that the stock market is kinda batshit right now. It's plunging! Then rallying, kind of! Then dipping again! By the time you read this, only Jesus knows what it'll be doing, which is why Grandpa Pat takes comfort in What A Friend He Has In Jesus. Now, you might have gotten on the internet and Googled, "Why the hell is the stock market being bad?" And you might have found articles like
Pat is wrong on this one. Planned Parenthood causes natural disasters. So, it's a safe bet that abortion is the reason for climate change. The stock market crash was caused by God selling off his Chinese steel futures. St. Peter was warning him about the ghost cities for years, but you know God. The omnipotent bastard won't listen to anyone.
I don't know about y'all, but I'm getting heartily sick of this passive-aggressive shit.
Listen, God - you don't like how I mow my lawn? Fine! Just fucking tell me! Stop killing my neighbor's cat! People up & down the street are mowing their lawns every which way; nobody has any idea what to do. Mow this way? Dead cat! Mow that way? Dead cat! No dead cat one day? Yay! Problem solved! Next day? Another damn dead cat! I'm begging for a little clarity.
Wait...the economy is tied to abortions? I thought the economy was tied to homosexuality; or was that hurricanes? I remember at least one hurricane that was brought on by Disney's Gay Day or something. Beats me what causes the heat in Texas. Must be the stupid.
Actually, I have it on solid, direct, Divine authority that the stock market dip is the sole result of America's failure to do away with Pat Robertson. God is sick and tired of his crap.
... and The Big Himself certainly isn't listening to Pat Robertson... even a mythological deity has (imaginary) standards.
Gold is also shinier and more decorative. Plus it has industrial and medical uses.
You never see people wearing $100 bill necklaces or getting a $20 bill filling for their teeth, unlike gold necklaces and fillings.
Also, too the visors on space suits are coated with a thin layer of gold.
https://www.nasa.gov/audien...
Pat is wrong on this one. Planned Parenthood causes natural disasters. So, it's a safe bet that abortion is the reason for climate change. The stock market crash was caused by God selling off his Chinese steel futures. St. Peter was warning him about the ghost cities for years, but you know God. The omnipotent bastard won't listen to anyone.
Uhhhh, taxation? Isn't this charlatan a church and therefore tax exempt?
Absolutely not! All the abortion doctors and PP personnel are gay! Didnt you know that.
I don't know about y'all, but I'm getting heartily sick of this passive-aggressive shit.
Listen, God - you don't like how I mow my lawn? Fine! Just fucking tell me! Stop killing my neighbor's cat! People up & down the street are mowing their lawns every which way; nobody has any idea what to do. Mow this way? Dead cat! Mow that way? Dead cat! No dead cat one day? Yay! Problem solved! Next day? Another damn dead cat! I'm begging for a little clarity.
Sincerely, PP
Yeah, no shit. Where does he get this "us" stuff?
So hurricanes are because of gay marriage, and drops in the stock market are because of abortion? How can Pat be sure it's not the other way around?
50 million seems like a lot.
Wait til tomorrow.
Wait...the economy is tied to abortions? I thought the economy was tied to homosexuality; or was that hurricanes? I remember at least one hurricane that was brought on by Disney's Gay Day or something. Beats me what causes the heat in Texas. Must be the stupid.
I like the part where Ol' Pat says he's being taxed. Ha ha ha ha...he hasn't paid taxes in 50 years thanks to him being a "church" and all.
Actually, I have it on solid, direct, Divine authority that the stock market dip is the sole result of America's failure to do away with Pat Robertson. God is sick and tired of his crap.
How can anyone under 25 believe in this version of religion, or any really? This is some cave man level ignorance.
maybe we'll get lucky and Trump will have to declare bankruptcy.. again.
Acording to the latest Pew poll, a large chunk of them don't. Which scares Pat and his ilk more than anything else.