Palins Vindicated! (As Stinking-Drunk, Brawling Yahoos, Per Anchorage P.D. Police Report)

Has it only been five weeks since Bristol Palin threw the sucker punch heard round the world? Well the Anchorage Police Department finally has a police report and holy Mary Bristol mother of God baby or babies unknown, HOLY HELL! Read 'em and weep!

Malia Litman has the entire bloody mess of a drunken whoozit, and we have funtimes screenshots!

What up, po-po? Were Bristol and Track Palin stinking of booze and falling down all over themselves, and was one of them shirtless?

Bristol Palin, were you an innocent caught up in a tempest when a mean man started pulling you around the lawn by your legs, all while besmirching your honor as a slut? : (

Did another officer interview you and hear your heartbreaking tale of woe?

What up, everyone else who was at the party?

Hmmm, that guy sounds like a LIAR! From the PIT OF HELL! Surely everyone else corroborates Bristol's distressed damselness, correct?

Well, my goodness, after all of that, why weren't the Palins charged with assault?

Thank you for your service, Anchorage Police who talked the dude out of pressing charges in your "interview." We're sure WWF star and former vice presidential candidate for a "major" "political" "party" Sarah Palin will remember you when she takes the throne of Night-Lande after the zombies come.

Palin Brawl Police Report

[MaliaLitman; h/t Kay]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

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