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You probably know this already, but I'm gonna tell you again because it's so delightful. Democrats are on track to pick up close to 38 House seats after last Tuesday's midterm elections. This ends eight years of dysfunctional, wannabe dictator-enabling Republican control, and anticipated two-time Speaker Nancy Pelosi gets her Ali in Zaire comeback moment.

The GOP is currently pursuing a couple options after its electoral trouncing. One is basically pretending it never happened in the first place. Maybe they're secretly impressed with how the shouty guy who thinks he's Napoleon and smells like his exhumed corpse gets a subway car all to himself. Disconnection from reality has its privileges.


The GOP's denial strategy also spins as a perk that Donald Trump doesn't do much of anything other than travel the country holding hate rallies to fuel his narcissistic supply. People lose everything in tsunamis. You've seen the sad photos. Republicans just lost one half of the legislative branch that protects their fake president. They've still got the Senate. Democrats had to defend 26 seats, and they possibly lost four (Florida's being Florida). Republicans, who had to defend a whopping nine seats, likely lost only two (Arizona and Nevada). That's the definition of a "Democrat ripple" in a dictionary the GOP self-published on CreateSpace.

Not all Republicans, though, are denying their party's current fate like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Soon-to-be-former Rep. Jason Lewis of Minnesota has noticed at least that no one is speaking directly to him except for one weird little kid. Awesome Angie Craig, the first openly gay mom in Congress, freed Lewis to pursue a career writing speculative fiction for the Wall Street Journal, wherein he argues that Republicans didn't just lose the House last week. They'd actually already lost it more than a year ago. Yeah, that's right: This strange planet where apes evolved from men was really Earth all along!

The Republican Party lost its House majority on July 28, 2017, when Sen. John McCain ended the party's seven-year quest to repeal ObamaCare. House leadership had done an admirable job herding cats.

That's the Trump GOP's problem right there: Stop grabbing pussies and pass legislation. Get it fucking done, as a failed Senate candidate famously put it. And really? You're blaming the guy who died a couple months ago and can't defend himself because of the WSJ's discriminatory policy against publishing op-ed rebuttals from ghosts? How is it McCain's fault that murdering poor people was polling far worse than Paul Ryan's wet dreams ever anticipated? Is Lewis aware that Senators Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski were the other two "no" votes? We needed three to dodge Mitch McConnell's "skinny repeal" bullet. He literally never mentions their names and they are actual living sitting senators who breathe air and don't pass through walls. No, Lewis blames McCain alone for blowing it all up.

Lewis's theory is that if McCain hadn't defected for apparently no reason but "petty" dislike of Trump, Democrats couldn't have successfully campaigned on how Trumpcare might have needlessly killed people. No, they'd have to settle for campaigning on how Trumpcare was actually needlessly killing people in real time. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about either. He just repeats more BS that isn't how anything works.

Again, the AHCA sought to even the playing field by offering a refundable tax credit anyone could use to buy an individual plan. The bill also would have expanded tax-deferred health savings accounts to help cover deductibles, copayments and over-the-counter expenses.

All these provisions were an attempt to alleviate the pre-existing condition problem, not exacerbate it.

Sir, no one is buying your magic beans. Those "refundable tax credits" were garbage. So was the AHCA. We're all grateful that McCain, Collins, and Murkowski voted "no" on your band of ghouls killing us.

I wish the GOP had lost the House in the summer of 2017 because we wouldn't have gotten the tax scam bill later that year. That's the only appealing thing about the fantasy island where Lewis is currently dwelling.

When last in power, the Democrats used their majority to pass the Affordable Care Act and save the lives of millions. The Republicans used their majority to pass bills that save yachts.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.

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