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You probably know this already, but I'm gonna tell you again because it's so delightful. Democrats are on track to pick up close to 38 House seats after last Tuesday's midterm elections. This ends eight years of dysfunctional, wannabe dictator-enabling Republican control, and anticipated two-time Speaker Nancy Pelosi gets her Ali in Zaire comeback moment.

The GOP is currently pursuing a couple options after its electoral trouncing. One is basically pretending it never happened in the first place. Maybe they're secretly impressed with how the shouty guy who thinks he's Napoleon and smells like his exhumed corpse gets a subway car all to himself. Disconnection from reality has its privileges.


The GOP's denial strategy also spins as a perk that Donald Trump doesn't do much of anything other than travel the country holding hate rallies to fuel his narcissistic supply. People lose everything in tsunamis. You've seen the sad photos. Republicans just lost one half of the legislative branch that protects their fake president. They've still got the Senate. Democrats had to defend 26 seats, and they possibly lost four (Florida's being Florida). Republicans, who had to defend a whopping nine seats, likely lost only two (Arizona and Nevada). That's the definition of a "Democrat ripple" in a dictionary the GOP self-published on CreateSpace.

Not all Republicans, though, are denying their party's current fate like Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. Soon-to-be-former Rep. Jason Lewis of Minnesota has noticed at least that no one is speaking directly to him except for one weird little kid. Awesome Angie Craig, the first openly gay mom in Congress, freed Lewis to pursue a career writing speculative fiction for the Wall Street Journal, wherein he argues that Republicans didn't just lose the House last week. They'd actually already lost it more than a year ago. Yeah, that's right: This strange planet where apes evolved from men was really Earth all along!

The Republican Party lost its House majority on July 28, 2017, when Sen. John McCain ended the party's seven-year quest to repeal ObamaCare. House leadership had done an admirable job herding cats.

That's the Trump GOP's problem right there: Stop grabbing pussies and pass legislation. Get it fucking done, as a failed Senate candidate famously put it. And really? You're blaming the guy who died a couple months ago and can't defend himself because of the WSJ's discriminatory policy against publishing op-ed rebuttals from ghosts? How is it McCain's fault that murdering poor people was polling far worse than Paul Ryan's wet dreams ever anticipated? Is Lewis aware that Senators Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski were the other two "no" votes? We needed three to dodge Mitch McConnell's "skinny repeal" bullet. He literally never mentions their names and they are actual living sitting senators who breathe air and don't pass through walls. No, Lewis blames McCain alone for blowing it all up.

Lewis's theory is that if McCain hadn't defected for apparently no reason but "petty" dislike of Trump, Democrats couldn't have successfully campaigned on how Trumpcare might have needlessly killed people. No, they'd have to settle for campaigning on how Trumpcare was actually needlessly killing people in real time. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about either. He just repeats more BS that isn't how anything works.

Again, the AHCA sought to even the playing field by offering a refundable tax credit anyone could use to buy an individual plan. The bill also would have expanded tax-deferred health savings accounts to help cover deductibles, copayments and over-the-counter expenses.

All these provisions were an attempt to alleviate the pre-existing condition problem, not exacerbate it.

Sir, no one is buying your magic beans. Those "refundable tax credits" were garbage. So was the AHCA. We're all grateful that McCain, Collins, and Murkowski voted "no" on your band of ghouls killing us.

I wish the GOP had lost the House in the summer of 2017 because we wouldn't have gotten the tax scam bill later that year. That's the only appealing thing about the fantasy island where Lewis is currently dwelling.

When last in power, the Democrats used their majority to pass the Affordable Care Act and save the lives of millions. The Republicans used their majority to pass bills that save yachts.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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