Pat Robertson Swears Faith Healing Works For People Who Aren't Pat Robertson

Didn't we just discuss a GRRR MAD SO ANGRY KILL IT WITH FIRE story about parents who let their children die because they believe -- huh, wrongly, oh well -- they can pray the life-threatening illnesses away? Yup, we sure did.

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But in case you're thinking of asking your doctor if prayer is right for you, don't bother, because here's good ol' exorcism expert, financial adviser, and, oh yeah, televangelist scamster Pat Robertson to assure us that yes and praise Jesus, faith healing does work if you work it:

I want you to know something. I don't think that religious, faith, and medicine are necessarily enemies. I think that godly people are used by God to come forth with the healing techniques that alleviate sickness and suffering and so forth. I've been simply amazed at the wonders that the medical profession can perform.

So, it's like, sometimes if you have an illness, it is OK to go to a God-recommended medical professional, so that godly person can use God's own patented healing techniques to save your life?

Well, the Lord might say, “You prayed and go to see that doctor, and he'll take the mole off your chin or something."

Ohhhh OK. We were unclear on how exactly that works, on account of how we are not crazy and believe in science, and when we need to see a doctor, we just, like, go see that doctor without waiting for God to tell us our prayers have failed, so now book an appointment, stat. It never occurred to us to pray to God before rushing to the plastic surgeon to have our chin moles removed.

If you have enough faith — maybe I don't have enough — but I have faith for other people. But for myself, I think I did the right thing.

And what was that right thing Pat Robertson did, for himself? He went to a doctor. More than once! For multiple surgeries. Which is why some "viewer" named "Robin" (who, as you know by now because we keep making baseless accusations about it, for own amusement, is probably just some intern whose crap job is to write up these ridiculous questions for Pat to answer) wanted Pat to riddle "Robin" this:

Pat, I heard you answer a question Tuesday, regarding faith and healing. My quandary with your view is: Why have you undergone surgeries if your faith would be enough?

Pat actually has a long history of telling his viewers that they just gotta pray hard enough, and God will take care of the rest. And if prayer doesn't heal what ails you, well, it's your fault for doing it wrong. Like this one time, when a viewer swore he did all that praying like Robertson said, but then his pain came back anyway:

Robertson responded that people can “give up” his healings because “you don’t believe that it’s real” and never claimed the healing, “this is mine.” He also maintained that the return of the pain “may be Satanic and the things come back on you, they come back and you need to rebuke it and command it to leave you, permanently.”

And this other time, when Pat Robertson said, no seriously, faith healing really does work, and God hands out healing, if you pray just right, sort of exactlylike Santa!

“It’s plural ‘gifts of healing.’” Robertson said. “It’s like Santa Claus. He has a pack on his back and he has gifts and he’s passing these gifts out but they come from God.”

But it would seem Santa God has never handed out the gifts of healing to poor Pat, so he's had to heal himself the old-fashioned way: with medicine. That seems like a real lack of faith on his part, doesn't it? If his prayers don't work, and he suffers or even dies, well, isn't that God's plan, so it's all good? Even when God kills babies, no reason to feel sad about it!

He knows the end from the beginning, and He sees a little baby, and that little baby could grow up to be Adolf Hitler, he could grow up to be Joseph Stalin, he could grow up to be some serial killer, or he could grow up to die of a hideous disease. God sees all of that, and for that life to be terminated while he’s a baby, he’s going to be with God forever in Heaven so it isn’t a bad thing.

Hmm, can't imagine why Pat Roberston wouldn't want to leave his life in God's hands. Worst that can happen is he just heads right up to Heaven, right, Pat?



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