It's almost as if Pat Robertson knows exactly what he's doing, even as you're sure he's clueless. Case in point: On Monday, a caller to the700 Fight Club teevee program asked what to do about a question that he has been sitting on, quite uncomfortably, for some time:

“Before I met my wife, I fell in love with a beautiful woman and had a relationship for six months,” the man said. “We broke up after she told me she was transsexual.”

“What should I do?” he asked.

“What you should do is keep your mouth shut,” Robertson advised.

Yeah, he totally knows what he's doing here. If not between the sheets. (Speaking of which, fortune cookies are witchcraft, and of the devil.)

Robertson continued, and our eyebrows reached new heights:

“That’s real simple. You know, all of us did stuff before we were married, but you don’t parade out all your girlfriends or your boyfriends or your sexual encounters or whatever you did. You just don’t do it.”

“You come to Jesus, he had forgiven you,” he added. “That’s the old life, now you’ve turned the page.”

Is it just us, or do you hear Pat Robertson talking about his premarital trans lover here? Add that to his previous surprising coolness about sex changes back in July, and all we can say is that Pat Robertson may very well be our first transsexual televangelist, without even realizing it.

Or maybe not -- there's also this, from October, when ol' Pat had another creative metaphor he wanted to try out:

"Now, we talk about transgender. I have a former stallion who is now a gelding, because stallions get very aggressive," Robertson said on a 700 Club segment Tuesday. "But he wasn’t trying to be a girl. We just made him into a less aggressive male."

OK, that sounds more like the Pat Robertson we know and loathe.

Not that there's anything wrong with a stallion who wants to be a pretty pony princess, of course:

Pat Robertson becoming a Brony would probably drive Dok Zoom from the fandom. Or greatly improve Pat Robertson.

And while Pat's willing to adopt a Don't Ask Don't Tell policy toward former trans girlfriends, he's nowhere near as tolerant of followers of that Wiki-pedia religion thing. When a second caller asked how the heck she was supposed to "honor" her mother, who is a practicing Wiccan, Robertson cautioned her that playing with the wrong imaginary friends will bring nothing but heartache:

“I think if a parent goes into witchcraft, goes into unlawful behavior, they’re trying to get their child to sell drugs, for example, or they want to get their daughter to engage in prostitution, you name it,” he opined. “I think they have lost their authority before the Lord. I think they are no longer in that position deserving honor.”

Again, however, this may be a sign that Pat is mellowing a bit, since he didn't tell the woman that her Biblical obligation was to stone mom to death.


Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. The less said about his flirtation with Trans Ams, the better. Strictly Chevy ever since.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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