Weren't Y'all Just Asking What Paul Manafort Is Doing These Days?

Well weren't you?

Luckily Politico Playbook decided to tell us on Tuesday.

Obviously everybody wants to know what Paul Manafort is doing now that he's pardoned from being in prison serving time for the crimes he was correctly convicted of committing. Especially since we now have so much information about how hard he worked and what all he did to help steal the 2016 election for Donald Trump and Russia. And especially since he has such a long history of doing odd jobs for Russian oligarchs and pro-Russia Ukrainians and political parties, which is especially interesting what with Vladimir Putin — best buddy of Manafort's former boss Oleg Deripaska — currently committing mass bloody murder of children in Ukraine.

Indeed, what does Paul Manafort have going on? Well, he has a new business!

But what kind of business? That is what you are probably asking.

Amway? Is it Amway? Is he selling Arbonne? Ooh! Is he doing LuLaRoe? Is it Mary Kay? Girl he gonna get that pink Cadillac?


Four years after he was convicted on eight felony counts of bank and tax fraud stemming from an investigation involving his work as a consultant for a pro-Russian Ukrainian political party (and 16 months after he was pardoned by DONALD TRUMP) ...

Yeah???

PAUL MANAFORT is returning to the consulting world.

Landed on feet like Russian Blue cat!

His business plans don’t include Washington influence-peddling or the foreign lobbying work that helped get him in legal trouble in the first place. Instead, he’ll work on “general business consulting.” “When you’re as old as I am, you have a lot of breadth and depth and are able to help people with strategic advice to solve their problems or give them comfort,” Manafort, 73, told Daniel Lippman.

So like we can call Paul Manafort for advice on flipping houses or maybe opening an Etsy shop? Is he really qualified in all those areas? Can Paul Manafort give us comfort?

Wait. Gross. Stop publishing things like that, Politico Playbook, nobody wants to read Paul Manafort's self-referential old balls porn about "give them comfort," that is disgusting.

He declined to go into further detail on his new business ventures.

Which means Politico Playbook was like "Hawt! Tell us all of it!" But he wouldn't.

But he was eager to talk about other current events.

Oh? Does he have some sexxxy Russia/Ukraine war gossip to share? How does that go? "Don't tell Igor I told you this but Boris totally told Ilya she doesn't think Vladimir really thought this whole Ukraine invasion thing through NO SERIOUSLY DON'T TELL IGOR I TOLD YOU THIS HE WILL TELL VLADIMIR AND VLADIMIR WILL HAVE ILYA THROWN OUT A WINDOW." (That is how gossip goes among high-up Russians and their pals, we bet.)

Wonkette is being silly. Wonkette should listen to Paul Manafort comment on current events with more of a caring spirit.

When asked about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, Manafort, who made millions working for former pro-Russian Ukrainian President VIKTOR YANUKOVICH, said that he’s sickened by Russia’s assault.

Guess he figured he'd better tell Politico Playbook to type that before he started "consulting business." Noted. Paul Manafort says Russian war on Ukraine bad.

“The U.S. and Europe need to be much more aggressive with providing Ukraine with the lethal weapons that they need to defend themselves,” said Manafort, whose past work includes involvement in a Ukraine “peace deal” favorable to the Kremlin’s interests (more on that from a 2020 Senate Intelligence Committee report).

And those drug peace deals always seemed to end with sanctions on Russia being lifted, sanctions imposed when Russia invaded and started stealing pieces of Ukraine in 2014.

But yes, thank you, wise old owl Paul Manafort, for none among us had thought of giving Ukraine more weapons. This is why he's gonna be good at "consultant."

“I have no doubt in my mind that Ukraine would not lose a battle on the ground if they have the weapons they need, but I also worry that Putin’s strategy will be to win through negotiations what he cannot win on the battlefield, and the Europeans and Americans would put pressure on the Ukrainians to concede on things that they should not concede on, like ceding any territory to Russia or committing that they would not be part of NATO in the future.”

He's just worried about all this, in his heart. Do you need Paul Manafort to repeat any of this, Politico Playbook? W-O-R-R-I-E-D I-N H-I-S H-E-A-R-T.

Manafort, who chaired Trump's 2016 presidential campaign, also criticized Biden’s handling of inflation, the border and national security, comparing it to Trump’s record. “I think Biden’s making it easier every day for Trump to run, but I don’t think he’s made a decision yet,” he said.

Yeah whatever GFY, but interesting how Manafort seems to feel like he's qualified to share whether he thinks Trump has decided for sure if he's really running or not.

Keep an eye on this one, DOJ. God only fuckin' knows what he's really up to.

[Politico Playbook yesterday]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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