Paul Ryan Loves Devin Nunes And Scratches His Belly And Helps Him Cover Up Trump-Russia


Many decades ago, a month before Donald Trump won the GOP nomination for president, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and some other Republican congressmen were caught on tape LOLing at House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy saying he thinks Trump and Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Moscow) are on the take from Russia. LOL! SHHHHH YOU GUYS, DON'T TELL ANYBODY THE GOP IS CONSPIRING WITH A HOSTILE FOREIGN POWER! LOL!

That's when we started to get a li'l bit suspicious of Speaker Ryan, wondering just how "in the loop" he is about all the Russian conspiracies to steal democracy and give it to Trump and his oligarch pals. (He is very in the loop, considering his super PAC accepted hacked DCCC data from "Guccifer 2.0," or as you know him, "Russia.")

We were just thinking about that when we learned that Ryan is actually supporting dimwitted shitweasel Rep. Devin Nunes in his various quests to obstruct justice for Donald Trump and shut down the Russia investigation. On Wednesday, there was a bit of a stir when Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein suddenly marched to Capitol Hill to see Ryan. Why was he there? Is something happening in the Russia investigation? ARE PAUL RYAN AND ROD ROSENSTEIN DATING?

Turns out they were "coming to an agreement" on the FBI/DOJ turning over documents Nunes is demanding, documents Nunes believes, inside the cavity full of stir-fried wombat piss that is his brain, will prove once and for all that the FBI and Hillary Clinton decided together to hire British spy Christopher Steele to MAKE UP LIES about poor innocent Donald Trump being a tool of the Russians. When did the FBI and Hillary decide this? During one of their weekly joint bubble baths, obviously. Nunes also thinks the FBI/DOJ are holding the #smokinggun that says the only reason the FISA court allowed surveillance of Trump people was because of the DODGY DOSSIER.

Devin Nunes is more full of shit than a stopped up toilet that's full of shit. Fusion GPS, the private intel firm that commissioned Steele's work, laid that out quite nicely this week in an op-ed in the New York Times, the same op-ed where they demanded the three Congressional committees they've testified for RELEASE THE DAMN TRANSCRIPTS of what they said.

Paul Ryan is apparently similarly full of shit, and also complicit:

House Speaker Paul Ryan backed his fellow congressional Republican, House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes, during a meeting over the Russia investigation Wednesday, capping off a months-long dispute between the committee and the Justice Department, multiple sources with knowledge of the situation told CNN.

CNN reported Wednesday that Ryan met with Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein and FBI head Christopher Wray in his Capitol Hill office, but details emerged Thursday providing new insight into how a nasty inter-branch dispute has quietly subsided -- at least for now.

According to CNN, Rosenstein asked for the meeting in a last-ditch effort to say, "Paul Ryan, that Devin Nunes boy is a crazy shithouse rat." Clearly Ryan replied, "Yes, Rod, but he is MY crazy shithouse rat and I love him and I scratch his belly and he gives me kisses."

So they came to "an agreement." Justice isn't just handing the documents to Nunes, but he is free to go to the DOJ to look at them in their SCIF. Presumably after that, Nunes will take an Uber to the DOJ to breathlessly tell the DOJ the secret classified information the DOJ just told him about the DOJ, because that is how Devin Nunes do.

Justice also has given Nunes a green light to continue his witch hunt against Justice, giving him permission to interview all kinds of FBI officials Nunes believes are part of Hillary's secret Deep State cabal, including known sexters Peter Strzok and Lisa Page. Safe to say at this point, the House Intelligence Committee's probe into Trump and Russia is over, for all practical purposes. (Democratic ranking member Adam Schiff has been warning us about this! Oh look, here he is in the Washington Post today, warning us again!)

This all happened the same week super-wingnut Reps. Mark Meadows and Jim Jordan published an op-ed demanding Attorney General Jeff Sessions be roasted on a spit, something we're sure went over real well with Sessions's former GOP colleagues in the Senate.

And what does Ryan's office have to say about these members of his caucus wasting time and taxpayer money eating each other's farts and trying to destroy the DOJ and FBI in order to cover up crimes by the president?

"The House of Representatives has a constitutional duty to exercise oversight of the executive branch," said [Ryan's] spokeswoman, AshLee Strong. "The speaker always expects the administration to comply with the House’s oversight requests, and he will support his chairmen when they make them."

Go fuck yourself, Paul Ryan. Please and thank you.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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