Biden Pentagon So Woke It Doesn't Even Want To Murder Civilians Anymore!

Here they go again, doing Dark Brandon and taking what's left of our traditional American values and serving them as hors d'oeuvres for the coastal elite communist sex parties Dr. Fauci and George Soros throw with their best friends the new 87,000 IRS paratroopers.

The Secretary of Defense, Lloyd Austin, has released a new plan to severely reduce the number of civilian casualties caused by American troops in war. You thought it was woke before, like Tucker Carlson? You thought they were banning all the high-testosterone Christians and replacing them with vaccinated drag queens? You thought they had literally stopped teaching Navy SEALs to be Navy SEALs and instead just teach them how to be pronouns? You were obviously right, because you listen to Tucker Carlson, Donald Trump Jr. and other white grievance white man white losers, and they're never wrong.

The New York Times explains that the Pentagon's new plan aims to change the whole culture so that preventing civilian casualties is seen as part of the mission, rather than just some sidepiece. (Here's the whole plan if you like documents.)

The directive contains 11 major objectives aimed at helping commanders and operators better understand the presence of noncombatants before any operations begin. It requires them to consider potential consequences for civilians in any airstrike, raid or other combat action.

It includes steps like embedding officials with the specific duty of mitigating civilian harm through the major commands and policy components of the Pentagon; imposing a new system to reduce the risks of confirmation bias and of misidentifying targets; and creating a 30-person center to handle departmentwide analysis, learning and training regarding civilian protection.

Based on the people the Times talked to, it sounds like this amounts to a huge change in the way the Pentagon does the business of war.

“This is a sea change,” said Marc Garlasco, a former Pentagon official who later investigated civilian deaths caused by U.S. military operations for the United Nations.

“It doesn’t mean civilians won’t be killed in war anymore. They will."

Whew. You know, in case you were worried we were going totally woke.

Just kidding, we will stop fucking around and copy/paste more from the Times. Garlasco continued:

"But if this plan is implemented and properly resourced, it will ensure fewer people will die and create a way for the Defense Department to respond when civilians are killed.”'


The Times explains that it's always technically been considered best practices in the military to try to minimize civilian casualties, but nobody's ever tried to address it in such a serious way until now. It notes that one thing that's changed is how everybody can pull out their cell phone and share very quickly with the world when American troops do terrible awful things. Everyday people being able to see things like that does have a way of adding a certain urgency to the situation.

Also it sounds like the Pentagon was at least nudged in this direction by Congress.

Congress has imposed restrictions on some military funds until the Pentagon submits a civilian casualty policy.

So that's a thing.

The New York Times also explains that the New York Times deserves some credit for this, because it did a whole big series on civilian casualties that was just really good, hey, nice job, New York Times.

So hooray, a nice thing to tell you about! Fewer civilian casualties in wars!

Speaking of civilian casualties, y'all see that Let's Go Brandon speech last night? He did not come to suffer MAGA Republican fools gladly.

We'll give you this fuck around, find out line from Joe Biden as an appetizer, and we're sure Wonkette will write it all up for you later today:

More like this, please!

[New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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