Person Too Bugf*ck For Newsmax Gets Twitter Privileges Back, Loses Them Forever

Conspiracy theories

Oh well, fiddlesticks, there's been another grievous loss in the war for freedom, and it's also an update on former Newsmax idiot White House reporter Emerald Robinson, who managed to get canned from Newsmax for being too anti-vax batshit. She was just pretty sure THEY had put glow-in-the-dark magic devil juice called "Luciferase" in the COVID vaccines, and that THEY would be using that to track people, because what else would you do with something in a vaccine that is named after DEVIL?

"Dear Christians: the vaccines contain a bioluminescent marker called Luciferase so that you can be tracked. Read the last book of the New Testament to see how this ends," wrote Emerald Robinson, with her serious face.

That got her canned from Newsmax, and it also got her temporarily suspended from Twitter. As the Daily Beast reports, Robinson came back from her suspension, and forthwith got banned forever for literally immediately hopping back on like "AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT ALIENS PUTTING DEVIL VACCINES IN OUR BUTTS?" Or however she said it.


As the Beast's Justin Baragona explains, this is Robinson promoting a post on her Substack about angry bioluminescent devil sauce in yr vaccines.

Apparently she just kept promoting her Substack, where (WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE) Twitter would never be able to suss out that she was skirting their rules and providing links to her very important writings about 5G Satan Gravy or whatever the goddamn fuck.

Seriously, this is what she's writing on her blog:

"One more thing: the new COVID-19 antibody test is called SATiN and it uses Luciferase. No, I'm not kidding," she wrote. "It's not an accident that they've given this name to this test. It's a warning."

Good God.

Anyway, now she is banned from Twitter forever, which means she will likely run for Congress from an extremely safe Republican district before too long, after which point she and Marjorie Taylor Greene will be free to run around like Ghostbusters who were especially chosen by God to find, respectively, all the shimmering devil salad dressing in the vaccines, and also the Jewish space lasers.

They will win the presidency in 2032.

[Daily Beast]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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