Pervy Pol's Taint Leads To Private Caucus, All Political Dick Puns Currently In Use
Joseph Dee Morrissey, at least for the moment, stubbornly remains a Democratic member of the Virginia House. He was all "okay, fine, I'll resign, GOD" after pleading guilty to a misdemeanor to avoid trial for child pornography, then announced he planned to stay in office while running in the special election for his replacement in order to remove the "taint over his seat." He was totally busted this week campaigning in front of a grocery store, which is verboten under his day-release conditions as a criminal who sleeps in a jail, but a judge declined to lock him up for real to avoid "interfering with an election."
Del. Morrissey's diabolical plot for total Virginia domination has hit a snag: for some reason, Democratic leaders want a different name on their ballot line in the special election and are planning to pick another candidate at a "firehouse caucus" of party insiders on Monday night. "Friends" of the tainted delegate, including his current law partner, have convinced him to forego this "sham" caucus where he will most certainly lose and run as an independent while they file a lawsuit on behalf of Democratic primary voters who are being "disenfranchised."
Paul Goldman, Morrissey’s law partner and adviser, says the lawsuit is about protecting thousands of voters that are being disenfranchised.
The nominating process that is set to take place tonight is open only to about 100 party committee members, but not the voters in the 74th district. Goldman hopes to get a preliminary injunction this morning to stop the nomination process from going further.
“We’ve had a process making sure the voters pick the nominees of the Democratic Party, the Democrats pick the nominees. And for some reason, they’ve decided to have a process that excludes the people,” Goldman said. “They’re engaging now, the Democrats, my own party, in the biggest black voter suppression we’ve seen in a long time!”
While Goldman is squawking about Democrats' "blatantly illegal" move, Virginia law allows political parties to pick candidates however they want, including an elitist invite-only caucus. Still, Democrats would be wise to remember what ditching a public primary got Republicans in 2013: namely, Ken "the Cooch" Cuccinelli as their gubernatorial standard-bearer, rather than their good-kind-of-boring lieutenant governor who could probably have beaten Terry fucking McAuliffe.
If Morrissey can scrape together 125 legitimate signatures by Tuesday afternoon, he can still clamber onto the ballot as an independent candidate. He remains, as of press time, a creepy perv who barely escaped decades in jail for his acts of creepy pervitude. Del. Morrissey: since you have such a small chance of success, we assume this is all to boost your chances in the state/local division of the Wonkette Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year awards. We assure you, you're on the short list. You need not further disgrace the Democratic Party and the Commonwealth of Virginia to impress us.
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