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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.


In the south, it has been traditional for a young lady (debutante or "female beginner") of high status to "come out" into adulthood. It's a formal rite of passage into society of an educated, wealthy, sophisticated young lady now ready for the privileges and responsibilities of adulthood. It is a recognition of her availability of being a wife and mother—in that order. This coming out takes place at a ball and elegant dinner. During the evening, the debutante displays her ability to walk, sit, dance, and eat without tripping over her gown or dropping a croissant down the front of her dress.

As a Southerner, we can confirm that it is the kiss of death in high society if you accidentally marry the one lady in the room with croissants in her tits. "Mabel Grace would've been the queen of Cotton Carnival if she didn't have more bread in her bosoms than a French bakery" is a thing they say a lot at southern country clubs.

Homosexuals also have a "coming out" but not as elaborate as the southern ladies.

Is that a fucking challenge? Southern women, IT'S ON.

[A]rrogant homosexuals seem to think that all of us want to know about when they "became aware of their sexuality" and feel a need to announce it to the world. As if we care.

He doesn't care. He doesn't care. HE DOESN'T CARE!

He does have some questions about what Pete Buttigieg does in bed.

BUT HE DOESN'T CARE.

Pete Buttigieg is mayor of South Bend, Indiana and is "married" to Chasten Glezman, a teacher at Montessori Academy near South Bend. Pete calls Chasten his "husband" but since that is asinine, aberrant, and not accurate, I will refer to him as his "lover."

Like ... the Supreme Court ruled and everything, so yeah, they're married, but Pete and Chasten fuck, and Don Boys needs you to know that.

Glezman admitted that he and Pete met online ...

"Admitted."

Obviously, they lived together before "marriage."

And that, congregation, is a "sin."

I don't hate Pete or his lover or any other homosexual, but I will not give them a pass when they or others suggest that "gayness" is not perversion, that it is normal, maybe even admirable.

Uh huh.

However, with my demand to know the extent of Pete's "gayness," I will become the object of ridicule and rebuke, and rejection.

At your service, my brother in Christ!

Maybe, even more death threats.

Oh good Lord, eat a pot brownie and chill the fuck out, nobody even knows who you are, you dumb dick.

And this article will be rejected by some of the sites that normally publish my articles—for telling the truth!

Is that why?

No doubt, I will be held in more disdain for revealing the disgusting things that homosexuals do than the homosexuals who do those disgusting things! You can expect the homosexual crowd to have a hissy fit because of this article.

HISSY!

Remember, Pete brought this up so I, as a voter, have a right to know just how "gay" Pete is.

Please submit your answer in inches, Pete.

Since studies show that about half of homosexuals were seduced into perversion by age 14, I wonder if Pete would totally renounce and repudiate such a revolting practice. Just a simple disavowal with appropriate disgust thrown in will suffice.

All homosexuals are aware that their lifespan is about 20 years less than for normal people so voters should know that a homosexual president may not live to finish his term.

If We May Be Serious For But A Moment ...

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Sadly, we must hit pause on ridiculing, rebuking and rejecting Don Boys, because since he brought it up, we guess we're going to have to take a brief jaunt back to the 1980s to play "pseudo-science."

You see, over the next few grafs, Boys (still his real name) spends a lot of time asking Pete Buttigieg if he is into various graphic sex things, or if Pete will condemn them, mostly because he's trying to scare conservative Christians. Boys cites a lot of statistics, but of course he doesn't provide links for any of his sources. It's possible Boys is just a lazy, shitty writer, or maybe (more likely) it's that he doesn't want people Googling his sources and finding out they have pretty much all been debunked as junk science horseshit.

We aren't going to spend a lot of time refuting each and every thing he claims, because A) we don't have time, and B) that's our old job, not our current job. But let us tell you from our expertise in dealing with the most batshit anti-gay activists that they ALL rely on the work of an old, crusty, weird fucker named Dr. Paul Cameron, a man who has entire websites devoted to exposing his junk "research," pretty much all of which has been disproven, and all of which is clearly motivated by a serious and disturbing animus against gay folks. Indeed, Cameron is responsible for one of the major debunked "studies" on gay lifespans. Another study religious right fuckwits like to cite specifically looked at how HIV/AIDS affected gay mortality in Vancouver, British Columbia, from 1987 to 1992. You know, a time one could refer to as "the fucking height of the plague," back when AIDS was an almost absolute death sentence.

It's easy to tell where Boys's bullshit statistics are coming from, because of their content. (As opposed to, say, Boys secretly citing the work of equally batshit, hilariously demented anti-gay hate figure Scott Lively. If Boys were citing Lively, he would be asking Pete Buttigieg if he was cool with the "fact" that the gays started the Holocaust.) In fact, we're pretty sure we found the "fact" sheet Boys copied off of. It's published on a website called "BibleBelievers.com," it was compiled by Cameron, and aside from Cameron quoting from his own bullshit "research," the most recent study it cites seems to have come from 1993. Yet here's Don Boys in 2019, citing them as fact, yet curiously failing to provide links.

Ten years ago, gay activist Alvin McEwen explained Paul Cameron, Who The Fuck Is That?

Paul Cameron is the grandfather of all anti-gay junk science.

When the religious right compares us to pedophiles, when they claim that we have a short life span, when they talk about how "how homosexuality has dangerous physical and medical consequences," it's his discredited "data" that they are inferring.

Paul Cameron is probably singlehandedly responsible for every lie, every distortion, every bastardization of science that has plagued the lgbt community since the onset of the AIDS crisis.

His bad research techniques and tactics has led him to be dismissed from major scientific groups, as well as censured by conservatives and liberals alike.

Also, there is this, which happened in 1985:

In 1985, the American Sociological Association (ASA) adopted a resolution which asserted that "Dr. Paul Cameron has consistently misinterpreted and misrepresented sociological research on sexuality, homosexuality, and lesbianism and noted that "Dr. Paul Cameron has repeatedly campaigned for the abrogation of the civil rights of lesbians and gay men, substantiating his call on the basis of his distorted interpretation of this research."7The resolution formally charged an ASA committee with the task of "critically evaluating and publicly responding to the work of Dr. Paul Cameron."

That's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how the medical and mental health communities regard Cameron's work. If you're in the mood to do a deep dive into the quackery of Paul Cameron, you can click here and here and here and here and here and here.

Or you can just read this quote Cameron gave in an interview in 1999:

"Marital sex tends toward the boring end. Generally, it doesn't deliver the kind of sheer sexual pleasure that homosexual sex does. If you isolate sexuality as something solely for one's own personal amusement, if all you want is the most satisfying orgasm you can get, then homosexuality seems too powerful to resist. The evidence is that men do a better job on men."

Wait what?

ANYWAY, DON BOYS WAS JUST CHECKING TO SEE IF PETE BUTTIGIEG IS GAY ENOUGH, CORRECT?

Now Back To The Butt Stuff!

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70% of homosexuals admit to having at least one STD plus they are infected with other contagious diseases such as tuberculosis, pneumonia, etc.

SEVENTY PERCENT have one or more STDs right now? And they also have pneumonia? How do those "Queer Eye" guys manage those total transformations with all that itching and lung failure?

About 20% of homosexual men are infected with HIV and about half of them do now [sic] know it.

Survey says nope. Maybe Boys didn't include links to his "research" because all his statistics were published before they had internet.

Will he release his complete medical records?

Pretty sure he would! (And his taxes!) And he wouldn't even get the White House doctor to lie about how fat he is, we bet!

Pete admits to using marijuana while at Harvard and wants to make smoking weed legal, but does he still use marijuana, use tobacco, drink hard liquor, overeat, lose sleep, and refuse to exercise?

Wait, how did smoking devil plants turn into smoking devil plants and smoking ciggies and going to saloons and playing cards with loose women and eating too much pie and going to bed past his bedtime and skipping leg day? How quickly Pete Buttigieg's gluttonous sins have grown! Must be a side effect of the gayness.

Homosexuals are notoriously promiscuous as reported in a six-month study of daily sexual diaries by Corey and Holmes in the New England Journal of Medicine. In that study, homosexuals "averaged 110 sex partners and 68 rectal encounters a year."

Rectal Encounters! Of the third kind! That stat is on the Cameron "fact" sheet we found, from a study published in ... 1980. But whatever, 68 buttsexes a year seems fine to us, if that's what you're into! BUT DO PETE AND CHASTEN HAVE 68 BUTT-SEXES A YEAR? That is what at least one voter would like to know.

It is known that even the most devoted and long-lasting homosexual relationships are usually not monogamous. Each partner normally reserves a night out each week to "play the field." Will Pete admit that that is too "gay"?

Which reminds us, hey, all the gay dudes in the world! We still on for Tuesday?

Studies show that almost all homosexuals practice oral sex and about half ingest semen which is as dangerous as ingesting raw blood exposing them to hepatitis A and B, gonorrhea, and HIV.

OK, the notion that only half of gays swallow is just offensive, but putting that aside, YOU DON'T GET HIV FROM ORAL SEX and YOU CAN'T BE EXPOSED TO THOSE DISEASES IF YOUR PARTNER DOESN'T HAVE THEM.

Also straight people swallow too, also, as well.

Here's where it gets weird (that's right, here is where it gets weird):

Furthermore, 17% of homosexuals admit to rubbing or ingesting the feces of homosexual partners. Will Pete admit that too is too "gay"?

What? Just ... what? Like, that is ... what?

About 23% of "gays" (according to the largest study ever conducted) participate in golden showers where they urinate on each other, splash each other with urine or drink urine. Now, it is a person's own business if he has a taste for urine, but we have a right to know what Pete thinks about that. Is he "that gay"?

THE LARGEST STUDY! (No link.) And it found all kinds of gays splashing each other with pee? Are floaties involved?

We feel like you get the drift here, so no need to ...

Will Pete repudiate the 41% of "gays" who practice fisting where one rams his fist into the rectum of his partner? Or, at times, they use carrots, bottles, flashlights, (even gerbils!)

We are pretty sure there is no human cohort on earth where 41 percent are into fisting, unless that cohort is called the "41 Percent Of Us Are Fisters, The Rest Of Us Are Into Crafts!" Club. As for "carrots, bottles, flashlights, (even gerbils!)," that is just a waste of perfectly good produce and other home goods and (even gerbils!). Clearly Don Boys is writing to us from the pre-dildo era of human history.

Will Pete repudiate the 90% of "gays" who practice rimming which is so disgusting that I won't continue to explain it?

It's eating butt. Lots of straight people do it, lots of gay people do it, lots of people don't. BUT WILL PETE REPUDIATE IT?

In doing research for my book, AIDS: Silent Killer!, the owner of a chain of homosexual bathhouses told me that often the same man is "rimmed" 20 times in a single night.

His name is "Brent."

Surely, Pete will repudiate the 37% of homosexuals who practice sadomasochism, the 90% of homosexuals who use illegal drugs, and the 66% who admit to restroom sex.

Restroom sex???? Not only is Don Boys writing to us from the prehistoric pre-dildo era, we are also apparently in the prehistoric "pre-Grindr" era of human civilization.

OK, Don Boys's article is almost finished, and we are just about through, as this journey into the anals WE MEAN ANNALS of 1970s myths about gay men has lasted much longer than we ever thought it would when we started out. So we will simply close by saying we are pretty sure Pete Buttigieg is never going to do a beer summit about rimming or fisting, but if he does ...

It is only fair.

[Don Boys]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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