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If it is a day, House Republicans are doing some propaganda bullshit in their Kremlin-inspired war on America's Justice Department, in service of the unindicted co-conspirator traitor in the White House at whose feet they worship and whose taint they are just grateful to sniff.

So hey, North Carolina GOP Rep. Mark Meadows of the House Freedom Caucus, the guy former GOP House Speaker John Boehner once memorably referred to as an "idiot"! What kind of Kremlin-inspired propaganda do you have for us today?


In his next tweet, Meadows fully types out his new TIMELINE for these very important new PETER STRZOK TEXTS which prove STUFF and THINGS about DEEP STATE or WHATEVER THE FUCK HE IS TALKING ABOUT HOLY SHIT WHO EVEN KNOWS WHAT THIS (ALLEGEDLY!) INBRED DUMPSTERFUCK FROM APPALACHIA IS GOING ON ABOUT RIGHT NOW:

So, the new timeline:
4/10/17: Strzok texts Lisa Page wanting to discuss a "media leaking strategy."
4/12/17: Strzok texts Lisa Page that two articles are coming about "her namesake" (Carter Page)
4/22/17: Strzok texts Page: "article is out!" and "Well done, Page"

Case closed, shut the door on the Russia investigation probably!

In case you haven't gleaned this so far, there is a new chapter in House Republicans' bizarre obsession with the text messages of recently fired FBI investigator (and veritable fucking hero at investigating Russians) Peter Strzok, who worked on the early stages of the counterintel investigation into the Trump campaign's ties to Russia. Like everything else House Republicans have come up with so far -- RELEASE THE MEMO! BRUCE OHR! LET'S SMELL OUR OWN FARTS AND SEE IF WE FIND A DEEP STATE CONSPIRACY! -- it is unmitigated bullshit meant to waste your time and obstruct justice.

In the letter Meadows sent to Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein (attached to the tweet above), the congressman has a squirrel-fucking conniption over a newly discovered April 2017 text from Peter Strzok to Lisa Page, the FBI lawyer Strzok at one point was doing affair sexes with, which mentions a "media leaking strategy." In another text to Page, Strzok says heads up, two articles are coming out about "her namesake," which would be Carter Page, the Trump campaign's very stupidest Russian intelligence asset, who's been on the radar as a particularly stupid Russian intelligence asset for YEARS. The Washington Post had broken news about the FISA warrants on Carter Page the day before. Finally, ten days later, there is a text where Strzok tells (Lisa) Page, "article is out!" and "Well done, Page."

(By the way, there is much stupid hullabaloo this week about Trump maybe declassifying ALL the Carter Page FISA documents, because Mark Meadows and Donald Trump really like to own goal themselves.)

In Meadows's very smart brain, these new tweets, originally reported by bona fide Hannity idiot Sara Carter, mean Peter Strzok and Lisa Page were doing INTENTIONAL MEDIA LEAKING to make Carter Page look bad (he's just an innocent Russian spy after all!), and that after it was all over, Peter Strzok patted Lisa Page on the back like "Hey lady I have intercoursed in the past, nice job with the Deep State conspiracy leaks!" Meadows further alleges that a whole passel of other folks were probably leaking to the media to hurt Donald Trump, but he's not sure, so let's have Mark Meadows investigate to see if he can invent a conspiracy theory inside his nasty-ass Carolina vinegar BBQ rectal slit.

Except ... NOPE! Not even a little bit. Meadows acts like he found these three text messages inside a random farm animal at a western North Carolina Tea Party speed dating event, but in point of fact they came from a larger release of documents from the Department of Justice. Could it be helpful to look at the texts in context? THE FUCK YOU SAY!

The truth is that it's much more likely (by which we mean there's almost a 100% chance) these tweets were actually not strategizing about how to leak, but about how to COMBAT leaks. Why? Well, for one thing, going after unauthorized leaks was part of Peter Strzok's job! And as the Washington Post notes, at the time of these texts, Attorney General Jeff Sessions was on a warpath about leaks.

Here is the full text from April 10, 2017:

"I had literally just gone to find this phone to tell you I want to talk to you about media leak strategy with DOJ before you go."

Media leak strategy with DOJ? In a text message to an FBI lawyer from an FBI guy whose job is to go after unauthorized leaks? How fuckin' weird is that! (Not weird.)

But there is even deeper context available! Democratic congressmen Elijah Cummings and Jerrold Nadler, ranking members of the House Oversight and Government Reform and Judiciary Committees, responded with their own statement, which explained more about what was going on that day in April of 2017:

"DoJ getting all political and about to blown (sic) up the media leak regs and turn this into a circus," Strzok wrote.

Then, Strzok expressed concern that some officials were looking to shake up the DOJ's internal leak regulations and suggested consulting with FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe and Director James B. Comey to intervene.

Strzok wrote: "if they are going to try to blow up the regs we need to get that to andy and d soonest."

In other words, the Trump administration was caterwauling about leaks, and the career employees who have to implement their shit were discussing how best to do that. Escandalo!

As for the text a week and a half later on April 22, where Strzok says, "Article is out!" and "Well done, Page," does it make sense that he's congratulating Lisa Page a week and a half later on some really good leaking she did a week and a half ago? Well if you're a fucking moron like Mark Meadows, maybe it does. Nadler and Cummings note, though, that the New York Times published a profile on James Comey on April 22, which seems much more likely to be the article Strzok is referring to.

Does Mark Meadows even believe in his own conspiracy theory? According to Roll Call, "A spokesman for Meadows declined to comment on this story," and according to Mother Jones, "Asked Tuesday if Meadows stood by the assertions in his letter, a spokesman for congressman declined to comment." So nah, Meadows probably knows he's being a craven, justice-obstructing shithole.

Of course, this conspiracy theory is all over right-wing media now, which has already turkey basted it up the moron president's ass:

So basically everything is normal! House Republicans are willfully lying about Peter Strzok's text messages -- hey remember that time they were all going apeshit about how Peter Strzok and Lisa Page had a SECRET SOCIETY???? -- and the president is swallowing it whole.

God bless us, everyone!

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[Washington Post / Roll Call]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to www.famoushotels.org.

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.



In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

Yr Wonkette is entirely supported by donations from you, the reader. Please send us money so socialists won't make us take the stairs.

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