Philippines President Cured Self Of Gay, Still Addicted To Murder, Dictatoring
Murderous Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte is quite the wag! He's best known for his campaign of extrajudicial killings of people suspected of drug crimes -- estimates are around at least 12,000 killed since 2016, though one human rights group says it could be as high as 27,000. He loves to joke about how he could be another Hitler and that would be fine, if only he could kill millions of addicts and dealers. Duterte is also a big fan of rape jokes, especially if it's jokes about soldiers raping ISIS ladies -- again, just joking, only serious. So you can see why Donald Trump admires Duterte's "toughness."
Now Duterte has thoughts on The Gay, claiming that one time he used to be gay, but he "cured" himself by finding the right woman, as a man's man would. Or would not, if he really had been a man's man. We can only imagine how Trump will try to top that one. As it were.
While Duterte was in Japan Thursday, he speculated that one of his top political critics back home, Senator Antonio Trillanes IV, is probably a big flaming The Ghey, because that's how serious world leaders talk. As translated from Filipino by opposition news site Rappler, Duterte said someone had told him Trillanes was gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, because at one time, maybe Duterte himself was gay, at least for the sake of conversation:
I said, "Are you sure?" They said, "You ask any gay person who sees Trillanes move, they'll say he's gay." No wonder. Good thing Trillanes and I are similar. But I cured myself.
Fortunately, he said, he'd been turned straight by meeting his now former wife, Elizabeth Zimmerman. "When I began a relationship with Zimmerman, I said, 'this is it.' I became a man again." We haven't seen any comment on the matter from Ms. Zimmerman, who presumably would know whether Duterte had previously been gay, or perhaps was simply auditioning for a downmarket AM Zoo DJ job.
The leader of a nation of 104.9 million people closed out his meditation on the topic with, "Duterte is gay. So I am gay, I don't care if I'm gay or not." Rappler also notes that Duterte has "been inconsistent on his views on same-sex marriage," seeming at times to be in favor of it, and opposing it at other times. It doesn't involve murdering anyone, so honestly, it's difficult for him to maintain any real interest in the matter. He also regularly insults political opponents with the terms "'bakla' and 'bayot,' words that mean gay"; the latter term is generally a slur. He is not restrained by political correctness, no he is not!
Newsweek notes that in January, after the Catholic church condemned all those murders in the name of his drug war, Duterte said Catholic bishops were a bunch of fags and losers, and maybe they should die, too. It was all part of an extended philosophical digression about faith, its role in his life, and why his critics should all be killed. After saying the Bible depicts God as "stupid" and a "son of a bitch," he clarified that he certainly didn't mean he was some sort of atheist, heavens no:
"I never said I do not believe in God. What I said is your God is stupid, mine has a lot of common sense. That's what I told the bishops," Duterte said. "I never said I was an atheist. Well, the presidency is a God-given gift. I am sure God would not have given me the position if I was a bullshit."
"I couldn't have made it in life ... without God," he said. "But these bishops of yours, kill them. They are useless fools. All they do is criticize," he added.
And sure, maybe Duterte ruffled some feathers, but his flacks explained such talk is all just a gag, no big whoop.
At a press briefing the following day, Chief Presidential Legal Counsel Secretary Salvador Panelo told reporters that the statement was "only a hyperbole on the part of the President," whose remarks the press "should be getting used to." He explained that Duterte "makes certain statements for dramatic effect, but he actually means stop criticizing and do some good for this country, help us."
And then he removed his rubber mask to reveal he was really Sean Spicer.
We can hardly wait to see Trump echo that "your God's a dumb idiot, but mine is awesome" speech to some of his fundamentalist supporters. If only to watch them tie themselves in knots explaining he's really got some good insights and has a point about the mysteries of God's will, and as long as he keeps appointing judges, he can say anything he wants.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.