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Dumber And Dumberer


Conservative All-Mother Phyllis Schlafly (yes, she's still alive, stop being so surprised!) revealed Wednesday in an interview with Alex Jones that, in the continuing mishegas over control of the Eagle Forum, the rightwing group she founded, she once considered naming Michele Bachmann as her designated successor. Ultimately, however, she decided against it because Bachmann is too big a fucking moron even for Phyllis Schlafly.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/600543/phyllis-schlafly-fears-forbidden-love-for-trump-will-tear-her-awful-family-apart"[wonkbar]Schlafly said that she had originally been grooming her daughter, Anne Cori, to lead the group, but decided that she was not the best choice. Last week, a group of Eagle Forum members voted out Schlafly's preferred successor, Ed Martin, and replaced him with Cori. The dispute within the organization stems largely from Schlafly's decision to endorse Donald Trump, who, Schlafly told Jones, would "really kick the king-makers where it hurt." While the dissident board members haven't moved to oust Schlafly, she's certain that's their next move.

Schlafly also revealed that at one time, Bachmann was considered as a possible replacement, until Schlafly realized that a bag of hammers might do just as well:

A lot of our people wanted us to pick Michele Bachmann, and she certainly has a lot of talent, a very fine speaker, and so forth, but she knew nothing about running an organization and she knew nothing about politics outside of her own domain.

[wonkbar]a href="http://wonkette.com/561494/michele-bachmann-thanks-phyllis-schlafly-for-ending-the-cold-war"[/wonkbar]It seems a rather shabby way to repay Bachmann, considering that old One-L had so generously named Schlafly "the most consequential female woman in public policy in the last 50 years of the 20th Century,” even crediting America's premier anti-feminist with ending the Cold War with Family Values. You see, without Schlafly's opposition to the Equal Rights Amendment, the Christian Right never would have been a thing. Had that not happened, Ronald Reagan might not have been able to tear down the Berlin Wall by shouting at it, and Marty McFly never would have made sure his parents met in 1955.

Schlafly went on to blame the pro-Cruz faction in the Eagle Forum for leaking the group's membership list to the Cruz campaign in a stolen droid, and alleged the rebel alliance, striking from hidden bases in the Dantooine system, are also trying to dislodge her sons John and Andy from her headquarters in the Death Star:

The only thing they’ve done is divide my family,” she said. “My daughter is with the group that is leading the assault on my leadership and they want to get rid of my son, so extremely valuable in my organization, one of them is both a lawyer and an accountant and he’s very good with the money, he always errs on the safe side of things ... Then we’ve got another son they want to get rid of and he’s the one who has written a lot of these amicus briefs that we’ve filed with the Supreme Court in important cases [...]

“I represent Eagle Forum and they tried to throw me out but, at any rate, I’m still here.”

Schlafly insisted that her rule would last for a thousand years, but then a clumsy technician in the InfoWars studio spilled a glass of water on her and she melted, the end.

[RightWingWatch]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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