Pity Trump's Too Shy To Tell You All About His (Alleged) Hole-In-One

Former President Good-At-Sports doing one of his moves

There is so much going on in the world right now. There is war and there are rumors of war and there is misogyny against Clarence Thomas and there are people doing the slapping and people getting slapped.

But we can't avoid the fact that, overshadowing all these issues, people cannot stop talking about how Donald Trump hit a hole-in-one. "Many people are asking, so I'll give it to you now, it is 100% true," begins this very serious message from the person who used to be president:

OK let's go through this.

Many people are asking, so I’ll give it to you now, it is 100% true. While playing with the legendary golfer, Ernie Els, winner of four Majors and approximately 72 other tournaments throughout the world, Gene Sauers, winner of the Senior U.S. Open, Ken Duke, and Mike Goodes, both excellent tour players, I made a hole-in-one.

Right there in front of all those actual winners? Is that what "many people" are asking about?

It took place at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, Florida, on the 7th hole, which was playing 181-yards into a slight wind.

There was a slight wind.

I hit a 5-iron, which sailed magnificently into a rather strong wind ...

There was a rather strong wind, which provided for magnificent sailing of ball.

with approximately 5 feet of cut, whereupon it bounced twice and then went clank, into the hole.

"Bounce. Bounce. Clank," went the ball, through the monsoon.

These great tour players noticed it before I did because their eyes are slightly better, but on that one hole only, their swings weren’t.

Did these great golfers refer to Donald Trump as "sir" after he made the swing that was better than their swings? Did they start crying? They probably started crying.

Anyway, there’s a lot of chatter about it,

So fucking chatter.

quite exciting,

Many exciting.

and people everywhere seem to be asking for the facts.

People everywhere.

Playing with that group of wonderful, talented players was a lot of fun. The match was Ernie and me (with no strokes) against Gene, Mike, and Ken. I won’t tell you who won because I am a very modest individual, and you will then say I was bragging—and I don’t like people who brag!


Here is the statement in all its glory, from the athletic former president who is good at sports:

As you can see at the bottom, it says there is a video attached. Is it a video of Trump making a hole in one? No, it is not. It is a video from one of Trump's comms idiots, of him waddling toward the hole and getting the ball out.

Is it possible Trump made a hole-in-one? Sure. He wasted enough of his presidency playing golf, we'd hope he at least got a little better at it during that time. Of course, we all know Trump cheats at golf as often as he breathes, so it's just as easily possible that he staged this and got his golfing buddies to go along with the scam.

Maybe he would have really gotten a hole-in-one if only the Georgia secretary of state had been willing to take 11,780 strokes off his score. Maybe he would have really gotten a hole-in-one if Mike Pence had the courage.

But sure, maybe he really got one.

This is reminding everyone of all the stories about what a cheater Trump really is, though. Here's the Guardianwith some facts from the guy who wrote the book on the election-stealer's golf-game-stealing:

It has been widely reported that Trump cheats at golf. In 2019, the golf writer Rick Reilly published a book, Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump.

As well as reporting routine rule violations, with sources including the PGA Tour pro Brad Faxon and the actor Samuel L Jackson, Reilly wrote about Trump’s habit of claiming dubious feats.

“Donald’s Trump’s boast about winning 18 club championships,” Reilly wrote, “is a lie that’s so over-the-top Crazytown it loses all credibility among golfers the second it’s out of his mouth.”

Reilly also wrote that Trump International in West Palm Beach, Florida, now the site of Trump’s claimed hole-in-one, “has a plaque on the wall that lists all the men who’ve won the men’s club championship. Trump appears three times: 1999, 2001, and 2009. But hold on. The course wasn’t even open in 1999.”

Reilly also examined Trump’s claim to have a handicap of 2.8. The man generally considered the greatest golfer of all time, Jack Nicklaus, plays off 3.4. In Reilly’s words: “If Trump is a 2.8, Queen Elizabeth is a pole vaulter.”


Philip Bump reminds us that "Kim Jong Il, father of North Korean leader (and Trump associate) Kim Jong Un, is said to have hit 11 holes-in-one during his first-ever round on a golf course."

Sad how Trump only made this one hole-in-one, allegedly, what a loser.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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