Donald Trump Loves The Stupid And Violent

Trump rallies are all shitshows that shame the nation. But the closer we get to November, the more Trump makes subtext into text. It's not the word salad dementia -- we're all used to that by now. It's the spectacle of a flabby, draft-dodging conman hooting and hollering like he's a testosterone-soaked warrior, while a crowd of knuckledraggers poisoned by Fox News howls for blood.

Can we Make America Better Than This Again? COME ON NOVEMBER.

But enough foreplay. Let's hit the Top Five Batshit Insane Moments In Missoula, Montana, where the editrix went to the nice rally at the park instead of trying to infiltrate the stupid idiots, why would she even do that?

Democrats are a MOB so get out and vote for the guy who attacked a reporter!


Greg is smart. And by the way, never wrestle him. Never. Any guy that can do a body slam, he's my kind of guy. I shouldn't say that. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. So, I was in Rome with a lot of the leaders from other countries talking about all sorts of things, and I heard about it. And we endorsed Greg very early, but I heard "body slam" and reporter. [Pause for cheering and applause.] And he was way up, and I said -- this was like the day of the election, or just before, and I said, 'Oh, this is terrible. He's going to lose the election.' Then I said, 'Wait a minute! I know Montana pretty well. I think it might help him." And it did.

LOL, get it? Because people from Montana are a pack of wild jackals who think it's totally cool to assault a reporter who asks a politician a question about the Republican healthcare plan.

This is all especially hilarious since a columnist for the Washington Post was just murdered by our great ally Saudi Arabia, who hacked his body into pieces and took it back in their luggage! And boy were their arms tired!

Vote for that other dude, not Jon Tester!

Trump likes Matt Rosendale, or whatever his name is. But he haaaaate Jon Tester, who had the temerity to say that Donald Trump couldn't park his personal physician Ronny Jackson at the VA to commence the GOP's privatization wet dream for veteran's healthcare. How dare Tester oppose such a handsome man with lovely sons and never a hint of scandal! Well except for that time where he blabbed about Karen Pence's interesting medical condition. And his habit of passing out uppers and downers without a prescription. And being a horrible boss who created a toxic work environment. Anyway, Trump's just here to get revenge on Tester.

Jon Tester led the Democrat mob effort to destroy the reputation of a great man, Admiral Ronny Jackson. Now Admiral Jackson I got to know well. He's a doctor, in addition to being -- he's a handsome, wonderful father. His son had just graduated high in his class in Annapolis. Incredible young man, beautiful family, incredible wife, and Tester said things about him which were a disgrace. And I say the people of Montana would not stand for it, what he said about Ronny Jackson.

Not for nothing, but Jackson withdrew when the GOP made clear they weren't going to support him. Maybe it was the report of him being drunk on duty and wrecking a government vehicle that did him in. But please, GO ON.

Never had a problem in his whole life. A little bit like Kavanaugh. Really a very fine, high-quality, handsome guy. Never had a problem. [...] That's really why I'm here. It's not that we need the votes so badly. I think we'll do good. I have a lot of respect for the man that's running, Matt. But also, I'm here because I can never forget what Jon Tester did to a man that's of the highest quality. You would have loved this man in this state, he'd be one of you. And so I said I have to come here, I have to help, because what he did was unfair. What he did was disgusting. What he did was what they did with Judge Kavanaugh. Same thing. Almost, if this is believable, worse!

Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. Vote for Matt Whatshisname!

Who you gonna believe, Trump or your lying eyes? LOL, this is a MAGA rally, DUH.

Hey, remember that fun time when Donald Trump called on the Russians to hack Hillary Clinton's email?

Donald Trump: Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find 30K emails that are missing.

Okay, so that never happened.

Can you imagine me saying, 'I don't know what we can do, let me call the Russians. Maybe they can help.' Do you believe any of this? Let's call the Russians? If I had to call the Russians, the first one to know about it would be the state of Montana. And you would not be too happy about it. Can you imagine? That's a disgrace. It was an excuse made by the Democrats for losing an election frankly they should have won. Remember the electoral college? Exactly 270. That's right. How many times did you hear there is no way? I went to Maine, by the way, four or five times. All of the people of Maine, and I ended up winning.

He did not end up winning Maine. And also, what kind of 1984 shit is this? We all saw you, dude!

And, also, too, what Daniel Dale said.

Any Nazis in da hizzouse?

What Trump rally would be complete without a nakedly anti-semitic shout out? TFW you're taking a hundred million dollars from Sheldon Adelson, but you still want that sweet, sweet Nazi vote. After blaming Democrats for the skeeeery caravans of ragged, desperate women and children in Honduras -- which we're not quoting any more, because NO THEY DO NOT GET TO OWN THIS STORY LINE -- Trump then bragged, "It's my problem. I caused it because I have created such an incredible economy and have created so many jobs." But then he was back to accusing the Democrats of being Soros puppets because their signs weren't made with markers or something.

They are paid by Soros or somebody. Did you see with Justice Kavanaugh? And by the way, what about Justice Gorsuch? How good is he? Did you see the signs? Everybody has the same sign from the same printer in Washington. They were all identical. And I pointed that out the next day. Everybody had signs. I didn't see any of the black and white ones. There are a lot of rigged things going on. Just ask Bernie Sanders.

Well, this is all REAL STUPID! Can you bring it on home with an extra dose of MORON?

The one thing that has been really great this whole endeavor, that 'He wears a hairpiece.' They don't say that any more. They've seen me not in perfect conditions. I haven't heard that in over a year. When the wind goes crazy like the other day, Hurricane Michael and the devastations of Florida and Georgia and Alabama got hit hard? Then a couple weeks before Michael, couple weeks before, I went to North Carolina and South Carolina. Look at what happened in a little piece of Virginia. Walk around in those conditions, you can't fake it. Nobody ever says that any more. Maybe one of the best things that has happened to be in a long time.

So sorry about the flooding and devastation and whatever. But you guys have performed a valuable service to the nation by proving that mangled orange weasel on top of his head is all the way screwed in tight.

IT'S GETTING WORSE. HE'S GETTING WORSE. And if you watch this hideous C-SPAN video of that lunatic rally, you will be getting worse, too. So don't.


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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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