Politico Saw Connor And Ashley Making Out After Third Period
What's that thing Wonkette pal Charlie Pierce calls Politico? "Tiger Beat on the Potomac"? Well, they are having a MOMENT.
To be clear, this isn't as egregious as Politico's hard-hitting investigative piece last week about Hunter Biden's dumpster gun, which was so dumb we don't even think it distracted Fox News from its hollering about Lil Nas X humping Dr. Seuss and making the Cat in the Hat gay or whatever it is today.
This is more just a reversion to form, something we've noticed ever since we started looking at Politico Playbook every day. Playbook's BIGGEST STORY of the morning — FIRST in Playbook — was some gossip garbage about DEMS IN DISARRAY, because supposedly the Biden White House won't even TALK to the moderate Dems in Congress and only plays at recess with the progressive Dems and UGH why is White House Chief of Staff Ron Klain so MEAN to everybody else now?
White House chief of staff RON KLAIN has met twice in two weeks with leading House progressives — and the high-level handholding with the far-left wing of the caucus isn't sitting well with House moderates.
They say the White House seems to be taking them for granted as the administration works overtime to appease the left.
We get it, it's kind of a slow news day. But shut up.
Anyway, Politico says Ron Klain did a "huddle" with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and all her Progressive Caucus friends and in response one of the moderate Dems says GRIPE and that
"People were definitely sore that they invited over some of the lefties," said one moderate Democratic lawmaker. The working assumption of the White House, this person added, is "that we'll all just line up."
And now everybody is upset because Braden and Jessica told Chad, no not Chad the new kid who just moved here, Chad who plays lacrosse, anyway, Braden and Jessica told Chad that Bitsy and Rory got caught fucking under the bleachers and that's like not even true, but now everybody is going around saying Bitsy and Rory are doing it even though they aren't because, um, hello, first of all, Rory is gay, and we know because Braden and Jessica said Ashley saw Rory and Connor making out in Connor's car after third period, no, not theater kid Connor! BASKETBALL PLAYER Connor! and anyway, not that there's anything wrong with that, but like, hello, Bitsy has a boyfriend, a COLLEGE boyfriend, and Rory's not her type anyway, and Bitsy would never cheat on her boyfriend, and now INFRASTRUCTURE WEEK IS RUINED.
The tensions among Democrats have intensified in the run-up to President JOE BIDEN'S unveiling of his massive infrastructure (and many other things) bill on Wednesday. Lawmakers are jockeying to have their priorities included. [...]
"People were shocked that Ron Klain was going to see certain [progressive] members but not members of the committees that they need to get their agenda passed," another House Democrat told us. Furthermore, this person said, progressives are "challenging all of us" in primaries.
And it just goes on and on and on and on and on and on like that.
Again, this was the FIRST story in Playbook. The one we should read above all others.
Somewhere way far down the page there is some COVID news, and a link to a thing about the GOP's new war on transgender children, and even another gossipy story about how the House Freedom Caucus is having its own problems, which seem to be a bit more substantial than Ron Klain and AOC pretending they don't even know Beckham and Taylor and Kaitlin and Catelyn even though last year they literally ate lunch together every day, UGH.
We sure are glad we read Politico Playbook every morning. It's the best.
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