Pope Francis Declares War On Christmas
The airing of papal grievances
Another year, another exhibit of the supposedly (but is he, really?) Catholic Pope Francis forgetting the reason for the season: a plastic Jewish family and snowflakes on your coffee cups. In what has become his annual downer of an Xmas message, Frank the First party-pooped all over everyone's merry funtimes:
Christmas festivities will seem empty in a world which has chosen "war and hate", Pope Francis said Thursday.
"Christmas is approaching: there will be lights, parties, Christmas trees and nativity scenes ... it's all a charade. The world continues to go to war. The world has not chosen a peaceful path," he said in a sermon.
We don't know who the devil the pope thinks he is, trying to exploit the terrorist attacks in Paris for his own political purposes, to push a distinctly anti-Christian message of giving an actual fuck, during what is supposed to be a holly jolly time. DO YOU EVEN COME A-WASSAILING, BRO?
The Pope has also insisted that fears about further attacks should not stop countries, and particularly the Church, from welcoming refugees who have fled violence and persecution in the Middle East. [...]
"May the doors of our Christian homes be signs and symbols of the door of God's mercy, a door ever open to all who knock and desire to meet Jesus."
Shorter pope: Your lack of basic humanity makes Jesus cry. Seriously.
Today, Jesus weeps...because we have chosen the way of war, the way of hatred, the way of enmities. ... There are wars today everywhere, and hate...We should ask for the grace to weep for this world, which does not recognise the path to peace.
We can't wait for True Christians like Ted Cruz and Jeb Bush and Sarah Palin to explain to dumb ol' New Pope how he so doesn't get what being a Christian is all about. (It's about shootin' people with yer Second Amendment PEW PEW, and killin' the bad guys, and only loving the ones who know the secret Jesus handshake. DUH.)
Truly, we can't wait for that. We love love LOVE watching these rotten bastards popesplain how to do Being A Christian Good. We are like a kid on Christmas Eve.