Donate

Dan Scavino brings the LULZ. Trump's teenage golf caddy has burst his argyle chrysalis and become a glorious, wing-tipped butterfly. Or, if not glorious, then at least useful. If you need it, Scabbers can get it. And what Trump needs is attention, lots and lots of attention.

Politico has a batshit story this morning on Scavino's successful campaign to turn the president's world into a giant video game with himself as the primary dispenser of Twitter happiness tokens. Like that time when Trump abruptly announced that the US was pulling out of Syria, and then Mattis and the rest of the mean uncles came in with long faces talking about national security and US interests -- boooooring. Luckily The Scab was on hand to reassure Dear Leader that his policies are universally adored.


"Get Dan Scavino in here," Trump called out in the middle of the meeting earlier this year. In walked a man in his early forties with close-cropped brown hair.

"Tell them how popular my policy is," Trump instructed Scavino, who, according to two people with knowledge of the exchange, proceeded to walk lawmakers through the positive reaction he had picked up on social media about Trump's Syria decision.

Who cares about Syrian civilians and our Kurdish allies. Jacob Wohl's dad loves it, and that's what really matters! Or maybe this isn't actually a game, and Scavino is a guy peddling dopamine hits to an attention junkie with his finger on the nuclear button. Could be that one, too.

Scavino, who has mastered Trump's signature idiolect -- the Capitalization shows you're really SMART!!! -- authored the famous
"Sanctions are Coming" tweet, despite objections by Game of Thrones producers at the theft of their copyright.

"Corporations pay people millions of dollars to break through on social media like that," noted his colleague Sarah Huckabee Sanders, without apparent irony.

If there were ever grownups in the room to remind the president that the country is not Twitter and governing involves more than livetweeting Fox, they've long since been fired. Now it's just Poppy alone with his works, while Dan makes the high better by "regaling him with data points about how beloved he is."

At the start of Trump's presidency, White House officials took much greater pains to contain his rapid-fire tweeting. Scavino would present Trump with several draft tweets to choose from every morning that would allow Trump "a release valve," according to a person close to the president. The president circled the tweets he liked, and Scavino would send out the ones that he picked.

That setup didn't last long, this person said. Trump "wasn't feeling the actual euphoria of typing the tweet himself and … then within 15 seconds seeing it blasted on one of the cable shows."

Once in a while there's something so nasty and vile that even Trump won't say it. Or, rather, he will say it, but he'll use Scavino's mouth.

Stay classy, Scabbers!

Oh, hang on. Poppy needs one more hit for the road before Morning Bathrobe Time is over.

Trump often asks Scavino to tell visitors how many followers he has on social media — insisting that his aide tally followers across Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and other platforms, instead of just Twitter, where former President Barack Obama dwarfs Trump's follower count of 60 million by more than 45 million.

"How many people do I have?" Trump asked Scavino during the Syria meeting earlier this year with lawmakers, referring to his follower count.

Don't worry your pathetic, needy little head Mr. President. Scabbers has just what the baby needs.

[Politico]

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Please click here to fund your Wonkette. It'll give you a rush like an aging narcissist watching his follower list go up!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

$
Donate with CC
Photo by Wonkette operative 'Zippy W. Spincycle'

Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc