Possible Trump Spox/Daily Mail 'Reporter' Celebrates Trump's Landslide Popular Vote Win!
Also, if you don't count his debts, Donald Trump is much richer!
As everyone knows, the only people who still think Hillary Clinton got more popular votes than Donald Trump are people who merely count the total of popular votes. If you use that biased method, it looks deceptively like Hillary Clinton got 2.8 million more votes nationwide than Donald Trump did, although Donald Trump definitely won the electoral vote by a landslide, as long as you believe that having the 46th-biggest electoral victory out of 58 presidential elections is a "landslide." It's still in the top fifty, and there are 50 states, and so if you subtract the popular vote totals from just two of those states, you find Trump actually won the popular votes by 3 million votes, according to the Daily Mail's David Martosko (who was cribbing from a theory popularized by -- LOL -- Joe Walsh):
Oh, there is something else you should know about The Daily Mail's David Martosko: He is bucking really hard to become Donald Trump's White House Press Secretary. So it might be useful to consider that headline his Baghdad Bob Audition. He'll fit right in, considering Mr. Trump's obsession with ways in which he really won the popular vote, like if you deduct all the votes he imagined illegal aliens cast, or if there were no electoral college and he'd campaigned differently, or if you let Breitbart count the votes.
This is so much fun! Also, as the Washington Post's Phillip Bump insists on pointing out, using some sort of arcane magic, "if you slice away a large part of the tally from either candidate, the margin shifts strongly toward the other candidate." We've done the math, and it checks out! Take away Texas and Tennessee, and Clinton's popular vote total rockets to 4.3 million votes! Hell, bring back Abraham Lincoln and FDR from the dead, fuse their brains together and implant the resulting superpresident brain in Matt Damon's body, and god only knows how high the popular vote would be, or how high you'd have to be to take any of this seriously. Or if Donald Trump were the same size as Trump Tower, his musculoskeletal system could not hold him upright and he'd die instantly, not that we'd ever wish for such a thing, especially not in the comments. (With his last breath, he'd say "Look how huge my hands are!")
Here's our favorite take, from Salon's Simon Maloy:
Still, Martosko gives it the good old alternate-reality try:
Clinton won California by 4.2 million and took New York by more than 1.6 million. The combined 5.8 million-vote advantage in just those two states was more than twice the size of her overall edge nationwide.
When the dust settled, she lost the rest of the country by 3 million votes.
So if you delete one out of five Americans, it's a landslide indeed!
Now, as Bump's WaPo colleague and Wonkette alumnus Dave Weigel points out on Twitter, there's one itty-bitty problem with excluding that troublesome blue state of New York from the popular vote total:
Well, sure, if you put it that way.
Hey, maybe Martosko could show his loyalty by getting Trump's face tattooed on his back. He'd just have to make sure it's bigger than the Nixon tattoo worn by Trump's orc pal Roger Stone:
Also, David Martosko continues to not know shit from Shinola.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.