A West Virginia postal carrier has been charged with trying to do election fraud after he altered five absentee ballot requests, changing them from requesting ballots for the state's upcoming Democratic primary election to Republican. Thomas Cooper, 47, who held a contract to deliver mail in three rural towns (Onego, Riverton, and Franklin, if you're checking), was charged in federal court with "Attempt to Defraud the Residents of West Virginia of a Fair Election" after admitting in an affidavit that he had changed the ballot requests in April. The state had sent out absentee ballot request forms to all registered voters because of concerns the coronavirus outbreak would interfere with the state's June primaries.

Best part of the whole sad, badly planned ballot-tampering scheme? The fraud was discovered by the Pendleton County Clerk, who knew the people who submitted the ballot requests weren't Republicans and called them up to see what was going on. Hooray for small towns!

One, described only by the initials M.R., said four of his family members had requested Democratic ballots by underlining the word "Democrat" with blue ink.

His daughter is the postmaster in Onego, and he suggested a carrier might have tampered with the requests.

Additional requests from residents of Franklin, also in Pendleton County, had a similar experience, with original blue markings for "Democrat" changed with black ink to "Republican."

After the alert county clerk notified the Secretary of State's office, an investigator from the West Virginia Attorney General's Office and a postal inspector interviewed Cooper, who admitted he'd changed the ballots, and also said that if ballots from other towns where he delivered mail had been altered, that was probably him, too: "I'm not saying no, [but] if it was on my route, I would take the blame." Interesting phrasing! Maybe he's just the tip of a huge fraudy iceberg!

Or maybe he's just a dipshit who figures sticking it to the libs is good fun. When asked, "You were just being silly?" Cooper said "Yeah I [did it] as a joke… [I] don't even know them." (We aren't sure what kind of investigation asks "you were just being silly," but that's what's in the affidavit.)

West Virginia's AG, Patrick Morrisey, issued a statement saying "Manipulating one's absentee ballot or application is not a laughing matter – it's a federal offense." How true this is! Save your laughter for wimps wearing face masks!

So Donald Trump may have a point: Voting by mail can involve fraudulent actions. By jerkoffs like this guy (no word on whether he'll keep his mail route), and that clever North Carolina Republican operative who blew up an entire congressional election in 2018.

If only we could teach some respect for the law to these guys!

[WV MetroNews / The Inter-Mountain]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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