Praise Jesus, There's Finally A Christian Mingle OKCupid Grindr For Straight White People!

You know that thing, when you are on Grindr and you just want to find a nice straight heterosexual white gentleman to marry and put babies inside, but instead somebody messages you like "sup?" and it's this guy?

That's the pits! (No it isn't.)

So then you're like, well OK, Grindr can't help me find my One White Straight Gentleman Sweetheart, so you sign on to FarmersOnly, because that's where your parents met, and UGGGGGGH THIS GUY AGAIN:

Hi there.

So anyway, you are very frustrated right now, and you want to try this one website you heard about called Sea Captain Date, where you can find sea captains to date, but unfortunately you live in Utah, and there are no seas for your dates to be captains of anywhere nearby, so that's out.

Also, this is your ideal man anyway, the kinda guy who throws your ladybone into the zone:

Well finally. FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY! There is a website for YOU, the Utahn who is racist as fuck, heterosexual, and wants to play Let's See If This Gun Is Loaded, and by gun we mean "penis," with that guy right up there. It is called Where White People Meet, it is No Gays Allowed, and shut up it is not racist, according to founder Sam Russell:

"Every ad or every other ad was: BlackPeopleMeet.com, FarmersOnly.com, LDSSingles.com, Christianmingle.com, OurTime.com," Russell said. "I was bombarded with dating sites for every walk of life, and I thought in my own mind, 'Why can't there be a website for where white people can meet?'"

Yeah, when every other website, including the comments section at Dead Breitbart, leaves you flaccid, horny and starving for a Caucasian who really gets you, just stroll on over to the Where White People Meet website, log in and feel that relief that ONLY comes on the rare occasions when you find another white person in Utah. This is obviously necessary, since the state is 1.6 percent black and 88.6 percent white. Translation: THEY'RE TAKIN' OVER!

But shut up, it's still not racist:

"A lot of people have said, 'Why not? It's only fair.' ... And a few people are concerned if this was a racially motivated campaign," he said. "It's not racially motivated at all."

To make it even less racist, black ladies are allowed to join, in case they're looking for that special someone who happens to be a white supremacist:

Russell noted that the site doesn't restrict membership to white people only and has gained some members of color. [...] "If you are a black woman and prefer to date white men, [the site] might be a good site for you to join. We're not discouraging anyone from joining. If it's not your cup of tea, there's hundreds of other dating websites."

GREAT! We're sure all the black ladies who want to date white men will have much success on this site for people who feel a sense of grievance over how hard it is to find a white person to bone these days.

As if this could possibly be any less racist, would it tickle your diversity spot to know that Mr. Russell, the founder, dated a woman of the African-American persuasion one time? He most certainly did:

The last thing in the world I am is racist. I dated a black woman once.

You still think it's racist. You probably agree with this liberal Matthew Wong, an inclusivity officer at the Salt Lake Community College, who says this is a bad idea, pffft liberals:

"Why does the majority need help finding the majority? How can they need more help finding white people? If this was for a very small demographic of very introverted white people who have trouble meeting white people, I wouldn't have a problem with that. But it doesn't sound like it's geared toward that specific demographic; it sounds like it's geared toward Caucasian people in general."

That does appear to be the case!

Anyway, we wish all the members of the site good luck in finding White Love with each other. It's a rough, lonely world out there for the Caucasians, and it sure would be nice to have somebody other than your mom to bellyache to, about how the blacks and the Messicans are takin' all the jerbs.

[ Salt Lake Tribune   via   RawStory ]