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Worst. Jedi Mind Tricks. Ever.


Steve Bannon, the pustule factory who serves as Donald Trump's president chief strategist and brain surrogate, thrilled the audience at CPAC with lots of nationalist red meat Thursday, explaining the Trump administration will save America from all its enemies, who are mostly other Americans like the media and our own government. He appeared with White House chief of staff Reince Priebus to prove they're actually really great pals; Yr Wonkette is unable to confirm rumors that after the joint appearance, the two were returned to their usual place in the ninth circle of Hell, where they are eternally locked in ice with Bannon gnawing on Priebus's head.

Masochists may view the entire nauseating spectacle here!

Bannon promised the CPAC crowd the Trump administration would fight forever for the "deconstruction of the administrative state," drawing scattered boos from fans of Jacques Derrida who insisted he was using the terminology all wrong. But don't worry, he was merely confirming what many have suspected, namely that he and Trump picked their cabinet appointees based on their abilities to destroy the departments they were chosen to run:

... [I]f you look at these Cabinet appointees, they were selected for a reason and that is the deconstruction [of our regulatory structure and, well, the Administrative State!]

The prospect of eternal struggle against mean old liberal hegemony, which was both completely defeated in the 2016 election yet remains firmly in power in Washington, really got the crowd of sore winners worked up. Oh, and the media is the enemy:

“They’re going to continue to fight,” Bannon said of the media, which he repeatedly described as “the opposition party,” and other forces he sees as standing in the president’s way. “If you think they are giving you your country back without a fight, you are sadly mistaken.”

He also railed against the "corporatist, globalist media that are adamantly opposed to an economic nationalist agenda like Donald Trump has," and even managed to say "nationalist" without leaping to his feet and shouting, "Mein fuhrer, I can valk!" He also explained that every single news source that isn't Donald Trump's Twitter stream has gotten it wrong all along:

"If you look at the opposition party and how they portrayed the campaign and how they portrayed the transition and how they portray the administration, it’s always wrong." [...]

Bannon added, “Just like they were dead wrong on the chaos of the campaign and just like they were dead wrong on the chaos of the transition, they are absolutely dead wrong on what they’re reporting today.” He said “all” of Trump’s campaign promises would be implemented in short order.

Pay no attention to the clusterfuck behind the curtain. There's no confusion, and there is no chaos, no matter how confused and chaotic the administration that never expected to win may seem. And would you liberal media elitists please stop suggesting there's anything strange about the fact that, of 549 positions requiring Senate confirmation, the Trumpers have yet to even name any candidates for 515 jobs? You can't deconstruct the administrative state if you actually have anyone working in it, so maybe the Trump administration will simply go along without any staff in key jobs.

If nothing else, Bannon proved that his relationship to reality is entirely as non-monogamous as Donald Trump's, praising the "president's" speeches for having “a tremendous amount of content,” which is quite possibly true, if you're going by word count (the number of uses of "very" is in the millions alone) and baseless assertions. Those are definitely "content," of a sort. He then went on to hail Trump as "the greatest public speaker … since William Jennings Bryan," which really may qualify Bannon as a postmodernist after all, or at least L'ecriture from the Black Lagoon. William Jennings Bryan really has done an amazing job that is being recognized more and more, we've noticed.

Also, we must give credit to New York magazine for what may be the most trenchant observation on Bannon's CPAC interview: "Steve Bannon Wore Both His Collared Shirts to CPAC," in which they noted:

Bannon appeared at the event wearing a t-shirt, two collared shirts and a blazer. The wardrobe change was so noticeable that Bannon’s buddy comedy co-star Reince Priebus called attention to it during the panel. “I love how many collars he wears,” Priebus quipped in response to a question about what he likes about Bannon. “It’s an interesting look.”

The struggle for meaning continues.

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[WaPo / Guardian / New York]

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Since he's such a public-spirited guy, Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke generously offered to develop some land owned by his foundation in his home town of Whitefish, Montana, as a "Veterans Peace Park" where kids could go sledding in the winter and the goodly Volk could go to appreciate both veterans and, naturally enough, the BNSF railroad, which used to use the land as a gravel pit and which donated it to Zinke's "charitable" "foundation." (Zinke's foundation, it turns out, is like Trump's, if Donald Trump were just a bit more shameless.) So naturally, here comes Halliburton!

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Is there really a Blue Wave coming? Dunno! But hey, check out these polls!

(Yes, we know we got burned in 2016. And yes, we know polls this far out are no guarantee. What, you want another depressing story about baby jails? DIDN'T THINK SO. So come read these nice polls right now!)

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