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Good Brain.


We no longer get to make jokes (yes we do) about how maybe President Good Brain has dementia, because his doctor visit proved once and for all that he doesn't just have a good brain, he has the BEST brain. Remember, he was able to answer "what is camel?" correctly!

See? Nothing to worry about. The president is as qualified to have the nuclear codes as any 2-year-old who gets excited about "CAMEL!"

In that spirit, here are some batshit quotes from Trump's interview with Reuters, released late Wednesday:

NO EXERCISE! NO EXERCISE! YOU ARE THE EXERCISE!

White House doc Ronny Jackson, while he was bowing before Dear Leader and calling him glorious, did mention that Trump might be in even better health if he'd move his ass once in a while, but pfffffffft, Donald Trump's beautiful beefcake body doesn't need that, because he already gets exercise GOING TO BUILDINGS!

“I get exercise. I mean I walk, I this, I that,” Trump, 71, said during an Oval Office interview. “I run over to a building next door. I get more exercise than people think.”

Also, he says he plays golf (WE KNOW) but he doesn't actually walk between the holes (WE KNOW) because that would be a waste of time. Probably has some documents to read!

Walking would leave him on the course longer than he prefers, he said. “I don’t want to spend the time.

As for his Big Mac ice cream red Starbursts diet, he says OK fine maybe he would be OK with smaller portions and not shoveling trans fats directly into his gullet AS MUCH.

NO DEMENTIA! NO DEMENTIA! YOU ARE THE DEMENTIA!

As for his mental acuity, Trump was quick to note his doctor’s pronouncement that he aced a cognitive exam, which he referenced with a dig at predecessors Obama, Bush and Bill Clinton for not doing more to curb threats from North Korea.

“I guess they all realized they’re going to have to leave it to a president that scored the highest on tests. What can I tell you?” he said.

THE TESTS.

NO SHITHOLE! NO SHITHOLE! YOU ARE THE SHITHOLE!

Hey Donnie the Puss-Grabbing Racist, did you say that thing about how all the nations in Africa and also Haiti are "shitholes," and that you'd much prefer white people from Norway as immigrants?

“I‘m not going to get into what I said, but I will tell you, it was a tough meeting,” Trump said.

He said it.

NO LINDSEY GRAHAM! NO DICK DURBIN! YOU ARE LINDSEY GRAHAM AND DICK DURBIN!

“Lindsey - he meant well - but I said, ‘Well, how many Republicans agree with this?'” Trump said.

Trump blamed Durbin for leaking the language he used in the meeting, a disclosure that prompted critics to denounce Trump as a racist, an accusation he denied.

“I’ve lost all trust in Durbin,” Trump said.

Oh well, guess Trump and Graham are going to be ON A BREAK a while longer.

NO WALL! NO WALL! YOU ARE THE WALL! OH WAIT I AM THE WALL!

Time to wrap this post up with a bow! Other highlights of the interview include how Trump wants way more nukes (WE KNOW) and how maybe he will kill NAFTA so he can replace it with a better deal (WORKED WITH OBAMACARE) and how he plans to spend "four or five days a week" campaigning for GOP candidates in the mid-term elections (WORKED OUT AWESOME WITH ROY MOORE AND LUTHER STRANGE).

And also this:

”I always said the wall will be only where we need it. I never said a wall that’s 2,000 (miles). You have mountains. You have some really vicious waterways that you can’t get across.

”The other day I heard, ‘Well, Donald Trump has just made the wall smaller.’ No, no, the wall is the exact same wall as I made from day one.

”Obviously, it’s about 700 miles (1,126 km) of length is what we need.

“It’s always been that way. It was never a change.”

Suuuuuuuuuure, Donald. Which one is "camel" again?

Anyway, here are some tweets about WALL! WALL! WALL! President Dementia-Free sent this morning:

Watch this, Trump is going to pass the Smart Test again:

Know what "mountains" and "wastelands" and "tough rivers" and "water" (the last two of which are completely different things) have in common?

CAMEL CAN GO TO ALL OF THEM!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[Reuters / ibid. / ibid.]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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