President Obama Knows Americans Aren't Dumb Enough To Elect Republican President

President Obama took a moment during a press conference in Paris, where he's saying global warming lies in a French accent with his other presidenting buddies, to give U.S. America a desperately needed vote of confidence: Your president would like you to know that you are not that stupid after all. "Yes we are," you're saying, because Ted Cruz and Ben Carson are actual presidential candidates. But no, sweet Americans, Obama says you are good enough and smart enough and goshdarnit, you WILL elect a Democrat to take his place in 2016. You can do that for your president, can't you?

Another way of looking at this quote is that President Barry Bamz Ain't-Give-No-Fucks Obama is Ain't Giving No Fucks:

I'm anticipating a Democrat succeeding me. I'm confident in the wisdom of the American people on that front.

That's subtle, Mr. President. Listen up, America, you will NOT embarrass Barack Obama when you go to the polls next year and everybody in the world is watching, and if you do, he will pull this car over and send you to bed without your supper, please and thank you, goodbye. Cast your vote for Hillary Clinton, or Bernie Sanders, or if Martin O'Malley's mom is reading this, yes, you can vote for your little boy. BUT NO REPUBLICANS.

Obama was responding to a bit of a worried question from a journalist, along the lines of "Please don't stop being president, Barry, no, don't leave, what if one of those gross Republican motherfuckers got to be president? We're scared!" That's a bit of a paraphrase, but you get the gist.

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Granted, this is nowhere near as fun as a few weeks ago, when Obama told every Filipino who ever lived that Republican presidential candidates are a bunch of dumb babies who are scared of debate moderators and little tiny Syrian toddlers. He was thinking it though, because he smirked, and when Obama smirks, it's usually because he's making fun of people inside his head.

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Obama added some sage advice, on the off chance voters decide to be A Idiots and elect a Republican, which is that when you are chosen to rule the American planet of "Earth," you actually have to talk to all the earthlings AND their leaders. So you can't run around talking about how you're Not A Scientist, when everybody else in the world understands that global warming is a real thing, and that climate change isn't just God pooting:

Even if somebody from a different party succeeded me, one of the things that you find when you're in the this job, you think about it differently than when you're just running from the job. What you realize ... is that American leadership involves not just playing to a narrow constituency back home, but you now are in fact at the center of what happens around the world.

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In other words, Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Jeb! and the rest, if you were president (LOL), you would have to deal with ACTUAL FOREIGN LEADERS, from countries with all kinds of different systems of government, many of which are Israel-grade confusing. And it's a Science Fact that those grown-up leaders will not brook your bullshit about Satan inventing evolution or grain pyramids or whatever else.

But it's fine, and there is no reason to worry our pretty little heads about any of this, and why? Because None Of These GOP Jerkholes Are Going To Be President.

[The Hill]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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