There is so much going on for us to make fun of, so much important news to very seriously report (and add solemn dick jokes to), but we need you to all pause and look at the gift the Washington Post has given Wonkette.

YES? TELL US ALL OF IT.

The early June meeting in the Cabinet Room was intended as a general update on President Trump's reelection campaign, but the president had other topics on his mind.

Trump had taken a cognitive screening test as part of his 2018 physical, and now, more than two years later, he brought up the 10-minute exam. He waxed on about how he'd dazzled the proctors with his stellar performance, according to two people familiar with his comments.

NO.


The test he bragged about, where he was so proud of how good he was at "identify camel"? He bragged and bragged about getting a 30 out of 30 (which some people don't even know is the same as "100") on the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, which features questions like "What is camel"?

That one. And as recently as earlier this month, Trump was going around the Cabinet Room recounting his exploits, in "identify camel."

Dunno how this can get better, but it can:

He walked the room of about two dozen White House and reelection officials through some of the questions he said he'd aced, such as being able to repeat five words in order.

NO HE DID NOT.

You have to repeat five words in order to take the presidential oath of office! This should not be considered a major intellectual feat!

Dunno how this can get better, but it can:

[I]n recalling it, Trump said he thought presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden would never be able to pass it and suggested challenging him to take the test, said the people familiar with Trump's comments, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to share private details.

Oh my God, he wants to challenge Joe Biden to a duel of "identify camel." Can this please take the place of one of the debates? Wonkette would be fine with that. Because in the assessment, Trump also had to draw "clock" and say what do banana and orange have in common (EWWWW PFFFFT GROSS THAT IS NOT "BIG MAC" is what they have in common).

So this is the most amazing news ever. Donald Trump really wants to go mano a mano with Biden in the "stable genius" department, because as John Bolton told ABC News, "stable genius" is actually something he tells people about himself in private.

Will there be a synchronized water-drinking competition? Because that sounds dangerous, for the president.

Donald Trump Water GIF by Amanda Giphy

He's upset because we all saw him almost fall down "ramp," and we guess he just wants us to know that whole situation might have gone better if a camel had been around for him to identify. The nice generals could have put him up on top of "camel," because of how President Stable Genius pointed out "camel" to them.

Don't know why he didn't talk about "camel" during the 14 minutes he spent otherwise blabbering about "ramp" during his small-group whining session in Tulsa Saturday night.

The Washington Post reports he is also still upset about how everybody knows he's the Bunker Baby, after nobody believed his story about how he only went to the White House bunker for an inspection, because of how he is INSPECTOR BUNKER BABY.

In general, Trump is just weak and sad these days. Even more than his usual baseline of weak and sad, which started out really low when he "won" the election by negative three million votes and had to borrow a booster seat from Russia to get his little bitty Electoral College "win."

"There is something off about Trump," Gabe Sherman reports that a "West Wing official told a top Republican" not long after the big scary ice ramp at West Point jumped up and bit him. "He doesn't have the stamina," said the source to Sherman. Womp womp.

Here's an ad from the Lincoln Project about how there's something wrong with Trump:

#TrumpIsNotWell www.youtube.com

Oh, and if you haven't seen this ad, which the Lincoln Project shared but did not create, you should also enjoy it:

But sure, buddy, you challenge Joe Biden to a camel-identifying contest. That will go great.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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