State Attorneys General Agree: Texas AG Ken Paxton Can Go Eat A F*ck

Noted smart law person Steve Vladeck announced Tuesday that he found it, he found the stupidest lawsuit to overturn the 2020 US American election in the entire history of the world:

That's right. Ken Paxton, the Attorney General of Texas — you know, the one who always seems to be in trouble with the law, was indicted for securities fraud in 2015, and in fact is still under indictment for that right now, and that's on top of all the new allegations of new crimes he's being investigated for at the moment — is going DI-RECT to the Supreme Court to sue the noted non-Texas states of Pennsylvania, Georgia, Michigan, and Wisconsin to please overturn the votes of their actual citizens, and instead just let their Republican legislatures pick Republican electors to vote for Donald Trump. His entire argument is that Black people voted even dumber than that.

By the way, this would be a good time to point out that we probably agree with Rachel Maddow, who said on her show last night that Paxton might not even be trying to win this case, but rather might be angling for some kind of preemptive pardon from Donald Trump for all those crimes he's being investigated/indicted for. Just saying.

Paxton's hilarious garbage suit starts like this:

Our Country stands at an important crossroads. Either the Constitution matters and must be followed, even when some officials consider it inconvenient or out of date, or it is simply a piece of parchment on display at the National Archives. We ask the Court to choose the former.

Oh yes, "Constitution," that sounds good, tell us more "argument," Ken Paxton!

Spoiler, he does not have more "argument."

Instead he whines that these swing states — just the ones Joe Biden won, not any of the others, they are all A-OK we guess — Did A Bad by making rules to make voting easier during a worldwide pandemic, and ... oh screw this, we are just going to excerpt from Wonkette's own Liz Dye, writing about this at Above The Law:

According to Paxton, "using the COVID-19 pandemic as a justification" those states "usurped their legislatures' authority and unconstitutionally revised their state's election statutes" via "executive fiat or friendly lawsuits, thereby weakening ballot integrity." Worse still they "flooded the Defendant States with millions of ballots to be sent through the mails, or placed in drop boxes, with little or no chain of custody and, at the same time, weakened the strongest security measures protecting the integrity of the vote—signature verification and witness requirements."

Leave aside for the moment that the Republican legislatures in every one of those states passed laws allowing for no-excuse absentee voting — wouldn't want to let a little thing like objective reality intrude upon this very serious complaint filed 35 days after the election when eleventy-seven other garbage suits alleging the exact same thing were tossed out at both the federal and state level. [...]

[F]rom a legal perspective, Paxton's argument is even more craven. As indefatigable election suit observer Akiva Cohen notes, the Texas AG wants SCOTUS to find that state officials have unconstitutionally usurped the legislature's exclusive power to regulate elections. And the solution he proposes is for the court to usurp congress's exclusive power to "determine the Time of choosing the Electors, and the Day on which they shall give their Votes; which Day shall be the same throughout the United States" by postponing the December 14 deadline for presidential electors to record their votes.

Thank you, Wonkette's own Liz Dye, writing about this at Above The Law!

If you want to read more about how bad this lawsuit is, please read the rest of Liz's piece, and also this thread from another noted smart law person, Akiva Cohen. If you want to see the attorneys general of the states Paxton is pathetically trying to sue call Paxton a dumb dick, stay right here.

Here is the attorney general of Michigan, Dana Nessel, calling it a "publicity stunt" and "not a serious pleading."

Here is Pennsylvania AG Josh Shapiro calling it a "circus" and "beyond meritless."

And here is Wisconsin AG Josh Kaul, just fucking DUNKING on Paxton:

Oh yes, and then there is Georgia:

"With all due respect, the Texas Attorney General is constitutionally, legally and factually wrong about Georgia," Katie Byrd, spokeswoman for the Georgia Attorney General's Office, said in a statement. Georgia Attorney General Chris Carr is a Republican.

The reviews are in, and they are all GO EAT A FUCK IN HELL, KEN PAXTON.

Here is an example of the "analysis" Paxton provides in his lawsuit, which aside from its dumb "arguments" also is full of paint-snorting conspiracy theories. This shitwit makes Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, and their pet KRAKEN seem smart by comparison, just kidding, no he doesn't, they are all goddamned whinyass loser fascist loser loser loser loser losers:

The probability of former Vice President Biden winning the popular vote in the four Defendant States—Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin—independently given President Trump's early lead in those States as of 3 a.m. on November 4, 2020, is less than one in a quadrillion, or 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000. For former Vice President Biden to win these four States collectively, the odds of that event happening decrease to less than one in a quadrillion to the fourth power (i.e., 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000).

LOL OK. Know when you write things like that? You write things like that when your heart and your pigeon brain cannot accept that seriously, no really, honestly, the great majority of the American public fucking hates you and your shithole mouthbaby president more than you ever will know, and just told you that, WITH MILLIONS OF VOTES. Also when you are a fascist who believes only the votes of white fascists should count.

And yes, many of Joe Biden's votes came in after the first night of results, because Democrats voted by mail, and Republicans voted by breathing COVID up each other's butts without dental dams on Election Day. We've been through this one million times. Remember Trump getting on Twitter every five minutes for eight solid months and shitting all over mail-in voting? Additionally, because of how Republican legislatures in those states decided to delay counting the mail-in (Democrats'!) votes so they would be able to scream about late ballots, the mail ballots were counted after the same-day vote.

In other words, don't bring a Red Mirage to a Blue Fucking Wave, because your sad ass is gonna drown.

Steve Vladeck notes on Twitter that the actual solicitor general of Texas, Kyle Hawkins, is not even listed as a plaintiff in this suit. This is significant because the actual solicitor general of Texas would be the guy who would actually, ya know, go to the Supreme Court to argue such a case, were the Supreme Court to take it, which it will not in one million fucking years. Why would he? That would be very embarrassing for him!

But sure, Ken Paxton. Good lawsuit, buddy. Keep on face-fucking that chicken. One day it'll stop bitin' you.

[Clownass lawsuit / Above The Law / Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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