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Priest Battles Homosexuality One 16-Year-Old At A Time

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In a time whengay satan has plagued the churches with rampant homosexual battles, a breath of fresh air has been given to those on the side of good. The righteous have found their cleaner and he knows what he’s doing. He is a man of God and he has an impressive way of showing his devotion to the Holy Spirit. His name is John Fiala and he hates gays so much that he had to become one to beat one.


Father John Fiala was a good Catholic priest residing in the great state of Texas. He was always there for the kids, he was quite approachable and he knew where all the good motels were. Father John had a way of connecting with certain lost souls. He had a way of sniffing out those in danger of facing the gay devil nestled within boys. It was a very warm and gay Texas summer day when Father John’s pelvic powered Jesus compass pointed straight up to a young boy. This was the moment he was waiting for. This boy was going to be saved!

The lad had no idea he was in danger of being gay. Father John worked tirelessly trying to convince the boy that he was. Nothing was getting through to the boy, so Father John did what any normal Catholic priest would do. He forced himself sexually upon the boy repeatedly, sometimes at gunpoint (just to make sure they were safe from any outside gays picking up on the gay vibe). No matter what Father John tried, he couldn’t get the boy to understand that he was going to someday become gay. So, Jesus told Father John to have him killed. But Father John was a good man and couldn’t kill an innocent boy just because he was lost. That’s why he hired a hit man.

Unfortunately for Father John, his methods were not agreed upon by his fellow Catholic dudes resulting in de-fathering him. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he has since found himself victim to the gay deities that run the justice system and has now found his new place of worship in prison for the next 60 years. Wonkette wishes Father John the best of luck in continuing to root out the evil gays in prison.

[Towleroad]

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Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?

Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.

Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:

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Last week, Nicole Arteaga of Peoria, Arizona received the devastating news from her doctor that her baby's development had stopped and that pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. Given the option of either a D&C or prescription medication, she chose to go with the prescription. Then, like all normal people do when they get a prescription, she went to a pharmacy to have it filled.

Unfortunately for her, Brian Hrenuic -- the pharmacist at the Walgreens she went to -- refused to give her that prescription, because he opposed it on "moral grounds."

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