Prince Harry, Meghan Markle 'Retiring' To Spend Less Time With Their Royal Family

Culture Wars
Prince Harry, Meghan Markle 'Retiring' To Spend Less Time With Their Royal Family

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, are breaking up -- not with each other, but with the monarchy. They announced yesterday that they were "stepping down" as "senior members" of the royal family. Harry is the spare, not the heir, and now that his older brother, Prince William, has kids, Harry is at the end of a Shake Shack line for the crown. It's not like he's abdicating or anything, which I know is a familial sore point for the royals. He and Markle should do what they like.

The media is already calling the couple's decision "Megxit," because everything is Markle's fault. This is the joint statement they released:

After many months of reflection and internal discussions, we have chosen to make a transition this year in starting to carve out a progressive new role within this institution. We intend to step back as 'senior' members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent, while continuing to fully support Her Majesty The Queen. It is with your encouragement, particularly over the last few years, that we feel prepared to make this adjustment. We now plan to balance our time between the United Kingdom and North America, continuing to honour our duty to The Queen, the Commonwealth, and our patronages. This geographic balance will enable us to raise our son with an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born, while also providing our family with the space to focus on the next chapter, including the launch of our new charitable entity. We look forward to sharing the full details of this exciting next step in due course, as we continue to collaborate with Her Majesty The Queen, The Prince of Wales, The Duke of Cambridge and all relevant parties. Until then, please accept our deepest thanks for your continued support.

That was lengthy but well-intentioned, like every wedding speech I've endured. Harry and Markle are moving out of their grandmother's house -- or one of them, at least. They're going to "work to become financially independent," like almost normal people. I'm not sure what Harry's "non-royal" skills are, but Markle could resume her acting career if necessary. She might even audition for a later season of The Crown. She'd make a great Theresa May. It's also nice that Harry and Markle are going to use their fame and position to focus on charitable causes. But people for whom it's none of their business are still really pissed. Enter Piers Morgan, the physical embodiment of a hangover.

"I rest my case!" declares the asshole for the prosecution. Morgan admits that people say he's "too critical" of a woman he doesn't know and who's done nothing to him. She's not a politician. She's not bombing countries or putting kids in cages. She's a (black) woman who married a (very white) man. That happens every day, except for the becoming a duchess part. I believe that's rarer. Morgan accuses Markle of "ditching" her family, her friends, and splitting Harry from his like she's a walking Scientology. He has no evidence for his claims other than what he's read in publications not fit to wrap fish and chips. He literally has no idea what he's talking about. This kind of crap is probably why Harry and Markle have said "fuck it, we're going to Canada."

As to abandoning her father and her family, here, this woman sounds like she knows what she's talking about.

As to the rest of the family Markle ditched, it includes a sister who literally wrote a book called "The Diary of Princess Pushy's Sister." We're gonna say maybe this relationship cannot be saved.

katie hopkins opinion on Meghan

For the past two years, haters in the media and on social media have attacked Markle. Like Yoko Ono, she was considered a "foreign invader" who corrupted and destroyed a beloved British institution. I must've missed when William and Harry produced the equivalent of Sgt. Pepper together. They're brothers and were close, especially after their mother, Princess Diana, died. However, it's perfectly normal that your damn wife will replace your sibling as the most important person in your life. According to a "source," William was bummed that Harry didn't run this major life decision by him first.

William is incredibly hurt, but at the same time he has his own family to focus on and is trying to move forward with his life.

William reportedly cheated on his wife, Kate Middleton, with her "best friend," so he should focus on testing all his food for mercury and let his brother be happy. Buckingham Palace issued a curt followup statement to Harry and Markle's announcement.

Discussion with The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are at an early stage. We understand the desire to take a different approach, but these are complicated issues that will take time to work through.

Jesus Christ, it's like they're in the mob. The salty line about understanding Harry and Markle's "desire to take a different approach" reminds me of Princess Diana's famous 1995 interview with Martin Bashir. She confessed her "crimes" that made her "unsuitable" to the royals: She did things "differently." She "didn't go by a rule book," and she led from the "heart not the head." She was an individual who shared herself with the world but wouldn't surrender herself to it.


A relentless media literally killed Harry's mother, so it's no surprise that he'd want to protect his wife and child from senseless, unforgiving scrutiny. No title is worth all this, and if the royal family can't appreciate his concerns, maybe they aren't, either.


Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us money to keep the writers paid and the servers humming. Thank you, we love you.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc