OMG you guys, this Professor Barack Q. Obama Esquire, PhD., is just so mean, and professory, the way he's lecturing and rubbing Republicans' faces in their loss of the 2013 Government Shutdown Bowl. The partisan rhetoric was just overwhelmingly cruel, as the Tyrant told Republicans:

"You don't like a particular policy or a particular president? Then argue for your position. Go out there win an election... Push to change it. But don't break it. Don't break what our predecessors spent over two centuries building. That's not being faithful to what this country's about."

What's worse, now he's talking about passing a budget, immigration, and a farm bill, as if it's Congress's job to pass legislation, rather than to repeal it. Did this man even pass high-school civics in whatever Pakistani madrassa he attended?

Happily, there are some lights of sanity out there, like Peter Morici at Newsmax, who recognizes that the shutdown only ended through the Administration's "deceit and demagoguery." It's alliterative, so it must be true! Morici accuses Treasury Secretary Jack Lew of deliberate deception, because only crazy people think debt default was a real threat:

Lew has purposefully cultivated fear in financial markets by falsely stating the United States must default if Congress fails to raise the debt ceiling. That would only happen if he failed to establish appropriate priorities for the $250 billion in taxes collected each month.

His doomsday rhetoric makes the U.S. government appear inept and irresponsible, has eroded the primary standing of U.S. securities in global markets, and will weaken U.S. economic leadership in global forums for many years to come.

Funny how the bond rating agencies were taken in by Lew's deception and said the same thing -- as we know,the financial markets are notoriously full of Obama allies like that.

The Daily Caller's Rosa Parks of shouting during presidential speeches, Neil Munro, took the opportunity to point out that Obama called for immigration reform, wasting important time that could be used to re-fight the Affordable Care act debate:

If the GOP doesn’t agree to his tax and spending plans in the next 90 days — despite bitter disagreement since Obama was inaugurated, almost 250 weeks ago — Obama gets to play the government-shutdown card against the GOP all over again ...

The political pressure is also raised by the continued, visible failures of Obamacare.

Few young and healthy customers have signed up for the expensive government-approved medical network, and the federal survey of households showed that American employers actually reduced their full-time employment rolls while preparing for Obamacare in the first six months of the year.

For godssake, the exchanges have been open for a full two weeks, and NOBODY is actually covered by any of the policies that go into effect on Jan. 1 yet!

Far worse, Obama said a bunch of stuff to welcome back the wasteful government workers whose oppressive beer-regulating presence we'd all been freed from for two weeks, thanking them for their service and saying that their work "matters." This was too much for rightwing anger spigot SE Cupp, who tweeted:

Yes, these NASA workers doing science, all those CDC researchers tracking flu outbreaks, those National Institutes for Health cancer trials, even the fascist park rangers telling people that they can't ride ATV's down the Grand Canyon -- so very nauseating. Maybe not as nauseating as furloughed FDA inspectors not catching tainted meat, but still nauseating.

And maybe not as nauseating as what happened to this contract worker in the kitchen at the American Indian Smithsonian Museum, who can go back to work now, but who won't be getting any back pay because he's not technically a "government employee."

Kind of sucks to be him, but at least Ted Cruz got two million signatures on a petition calling for that line cook to never get health insurance. So things worked out OK, all in all.

[Business Insider / Newsmax / Daily Caller / WaPo]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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