Prolific, Articulate Donald Trump Says New York Times No Write Words Good

To be fair, Trump AND the Times staff probably should go to school there. Unfortunately they are not ANTS.

Donald J. Trump, doing the only thing he does well, which is businessbitching and moaning about things that are UNFAIIIIIIIR:

Donald Trump took aim at yet another venerable news outlet Monday night, saying that The New York Times “is just absolutely a disaster” and “so unfair” to his campaign. [...]

Trump also unveiled a new nickname for the established outlet: "The Failing New York Times."

“You look at The New York Times, I mean, the fail — I call it ‘The Failing New York Times’ because it won’t be in business for another, probably more than a few years unless somebody goes in and buys it and wants to lose a lot of money,” Trump said. “But The New York Times is so unfair. I mean they write three, four articles about me a day. No matter how good I do on something, they’ll never write good.” [...]

“They don’t write good. They have people over there, like Maggie Haberman and others, they don’t — they don’t write good,” he said. "They don’t know how to write good.”

Where to begin. Where, oh where shall we ...

  • Whiny Brat Donald Trump needs to STFU. He bans and threatens to ban anybody who doesn't lick his ass and suck his tiny fingers. He's now threatened to ban the Times, actually! He sees himself as a poor, poor victim of the media, and he treats journalists like literal dogshit. Wonkette is not sympathetic to Trump's tears.
  • Donald Trump's "nicknames" are really weak and sad. This dear, stupid man thinks he's being clever when he sticks "crooked" and "lying" in front of "Hillary," or when he affixes "failing" to "The New York Times." We don't know who in his life -- his sycophantic, possibly inbred sons, or maybe his doting wife Melania -- humors Daddy by laughing at his "jokes," but those are not good "nicknames." A good nickname for Hillary Clinton would be "Benghazi McEmails" or "Ms. President," and a good nickname for the Times would be "Hack-tastic Crap Dungeon Of Errant Boll Weevil Farts." Which brings us to ...
  • The New York Times really IS a piece o' shit, but not for being mean to poor old Trump. No news organization in existence can possibly keep up with the disastrous gargle-vomit that is the Trump campaign. But the Times sucks for many other reasons, like when it publishes bullshit stories about nonexistent criminal investigations into Hillary Clinton, and then refuses to admit it's wrong. Or when it subtly insinuates that Hillary and Huma Abedin are making sexxxy upon each other's V-holes. Or the entire Judith Miller era. Or that time one of the paper's idiot writers made fun of Wonkette because he was too dumb to understand us. Also, too, the Times still employs Maureen Dowd for reasons we cannot bear to speculate.
  • But those facts about the Times do not mean Donald Trump gets to be considered correct about this, even though his statement -- "They don't know how to write good" -- is demonstrably TRUE. Because, again, it's just more of his thin-skinned bitching about NO FAIIIIIIR. This is not a stopped clock right twice a day situation, and Wonkette will see you all in hell for making us spend time explaining this.

That's all, we are done now, fuck all y'all, SEACREST OUT.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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