Puss-Burglar Defends Puss-Burglar Against Charges Of Aggravated Puss-Burgling

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DISCLAIMER: The characters in this post are Donald Trump and Bill O'Reilly. Trump, as we all know, does not respect women, and was caught on tape bragging about puss-burgling, which is an Old English word we made up that means "the act of burgling a puss." Trump has also been accused by many women over the course of his career of attempted puss-burgling. Bill O'Reilly is a man who is YET AGAIN being accused of doing all the sexual harassment to so many women, all of whom we believe wholeheartedly, whether they are Wendy Walsh or Juliet Huddy or Andrea Tantaros, or pretty much anybody else who comes forward. It also looks like he beated up his ex-wife, allegedly. And he likes to talk to ladies on the phone about how he wants to put the falafel thing on their pusses, and he means that in a sexual way and not in some innocent NYC food cart way. For this reason, we have Wonkette Executive Decided that O'Reilly's actions fall under the category of "puss-burgling," because first of all, Jesus said in the Bible that if you puss-burgle in your heart, it is just as bad as puss-burgling with your other parts. Second of all, the falafel thingie reason. Third of all, we made up the word, so we get to make this decision. We only issue this disclaimer because we do not want a phone call from Bill O'Reilly's lawyer like "TAKE IT BACK WONKET, BILL DID NOT BURGLE ONE SOLITARY PUSS."

Now let's look at a quote from Donald Trump in the New York Times:

The president [defended] Mr. O’Reilly, who has hosted him frequently over the years.

“I think he’s a person I know well — he is a good person,” said Mr. Trump, who during the interview was surrounded at his desk by a half­-dozen of his highest-ranking aides, including the economic adviser Gary Cohn and Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, along with Vice President Mike Pence.

“I think he shouldn’t have settled; personally I think he shouldn’t have settled,” said Mr. Trump. “Because you should have taken it all the way. I don’t think Bill did anything wrong."

What's that old famous expression your mamas used to say?

Puss-burglars of a feather burgle puss together?

Puss-feather burglars do falafels to burgled puss-feathers?

Grab Them By The Falafels?

Is the quote, quite simply, just "Yeah OK, good story, bro"?

Yes, yes, we think it is.

Fucking scumbags.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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