'Transformed Wife' Still Under Impression Duggars Good Role Models For Your Children
It's been a while since we've checked in with Lori Alexander, AKA The Transformed Wife. Last we heard, she was mad because an internet meme said women weren't servants even though God said they are. Now, she's letting parents know that if they're only telling their kids not to have sex before marriage, they are doing it wrong, because if you just do that, they're going to think it's okay to do things other than have sex, and that would just be very bad. For some reason.
Teaching your children to be virgins before marriage isn't enough. There's no boundaries when teaching this. This is why many young people are confused as to how *far* they can go sexually. Is petting okay? Is French kissing okay? Is some form of nakedness with each other okay? There's a lot of guilt when boundaries aren't clearly established.
Well. I have heard that "petting" can lead to trouble and seat wetting, but also that if you only kiss before you get married and then you get stranded at a weird castle on your honeymoon, you will end up trying to bone a hot Frankenstein guy instead of your new husband.
Clearly, Lori disagrees!
Chaste according to the 1828 Webster Dictionary means "Pure from all unlawful commerce of sexes. Applied to persons before marriage, it signifies pure from all sexual commerce, undefiled; applied to married persons, true to the marriage bed." We are told in Hebrews to keep the marriage bed undefiled. What does defiled mean? "Made dirty, or foul; soiled; corrupted; violated."
Gotta use that 1828 dictionary, because modern dictionaries are for whores. Although, as it turns out, this is a whole thing and Good Christians are only supposed to use the dictionary from 1828 because normal dictionaries are not preachy enough.
MODERN DICTIONARY (2000)—The legal union of a man and a woman as husband and wife. The state of being married, wedlock. A common-law marriage. A union between two persons having the customary but usually not the legal force of marriage.
WEBSTER DICTIONARY (1828)—The act of uniting a man and a woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and a woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. Marriage was instituted by God Himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children. "Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled." Hebrews 13.
So yes, according to Noah Webster and God, no defiling is allowed. But what is defiling?
You see, there's a LOT more to simply remaining virgins before the wedding. Many couples have done everything but have intercourse, then claimed they were virgins. Technically, yes, they were, BUT they were far from being chaste which God commands of us. I sure wish I would have been taught this when I was a teenager, since I struggled knowing what the boundaries were, and no adult could clearly tell me. The boundaries were made up in their own minds instead of adhering to the Word of God.
Weirdly this is on some level a rather progressive definition of virgin, as it seems a little silly now to define "virgin" as "person who has had penis-in-vagina sex," given that gay people exist. Although I would argue that we should do away with the term altogether, Lori explains that the only way people can truly be chaste virgins is if they completely withdraw "from anything sexual or impure."
When you understand that you are called to be chaste before marriage, this means a withdrawal from anything sexual or impure including porn and probably even masturbation since how can one masturbate without having thoughts that aren't pure? It means being held accountable to others while "dating" or courting a man you may be interested in. The best way to do this is to not be alone for long periods of time. This is a recipe for sexual impurity
The withdrawal method, as any good sex-ed teacher will tell you, is simply not a fail-safe solution when it comes to sex.
But who could possibly do all of this? Well, The Transformed Wife cites one example of who is doing it right — The Duggars!
The way the Duggars approach this seems reasonable in light of Scripture. They don't kiss until their wedding day. They have chaperones when they go on dates or anywhere else. When the kids are asked why they have these boundaries, they will freely admit that they want to be chaste until marriage. This is their goal, and they're willing to have boundaries to protect this God-given goal. Is it difficult for them? Yes! But difficult doesn't mean bad.
This would be a really great example if one of the Duggars were not very famous for molesting four of his own sisters and a babysitter, sexually assaulting at least two porn stars, and for getting caught spending $1000 on Ashley Madison, a site for people who want to cheat on their spouses. I suppose if this is the God-given-goal, he succeeded, but it's hard to see how anyone would recommend it.
And sure, you could say, "It's just one guy! There are lots of men who don't try to be chaste until marriage who do fucked up things like that!" — but in Josh Duggar's case, his Very Holy Father, their church, and local law enforcement conspired to keep anyone from finding out about the fact that he had a little problem with molesting children, and attempted to "solve" the issue by having him apologize to the girls and go to a weird Christian labor camp for a few months. Coincidentally, the sheriff that gave Josh Duggar a real "stern talk" was later discovered to be an avid child pornography collector and was sentenced to 56 years in prison.
If Lori Alexander wants to talk about "boundaries," perhaps she should spend more time discussing how molesting young girls as they sleep is a violation of them, and less time telling teenagers that making out will "defile" their wedding bed. That would be nice!
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse