Hello, Wonkers! It's time for your Monday recap of what happened on the terrible horrible no good very bad Sunday shows. Today, we have two treats for you, just kidding they are not treats, they are TERRIBLE.

We'll start on CBS's "Face The Nation," where Virginia Governor Ralph Wiggum Northam gave his first interview since the story broke about the blackface/KKK picture in his 1984 medical school yearbook. After a long string of PR and racial mistakes followed by apparently taking a remedial "don't be racist" course for old southern white men, Northam was ready to show off his bona fides to CBS "This Morning" host and Oprah BFF Gayle King:

KING: I know this has been a very difficult week for you in the state of Virginia. So where would you like to begin?

NORTHAM: Well it has been a difficult week. And you know if you look at Virginia's history we are now at the 400 year anniversary, just 90 miles from here in 1619. The first indentured servants from Africa landed on our shores in Old Point Comfort what we call now Fort Monroe and while—

KING: Also known as slavery.

Goddamn it, Ralph! You didn't make it 30 seconds into the interview without showing that the remedial course is not working by using a euphemism used by racists to minimize slavery.

So let's recap, Ralph Northam has so far:

  • Apologized for a picture of a people in blackface and KKK in his medical yearbook.
  • Said upon further inspection it wasn't him.
  • Said he was positive it wasn't him because HE DID paint his face with shoe polish as part of his Michael Jackson costume for dance contest that same year.
  • Remarked how hard shoe polish is to remove.
  • Almost did a moonwalk in a press conference until his wife mercifully stopped him.

In a normal world, with a normal candidate, in a normal state (WTF, Virginia?!) this would be the end of Northam's career and the "hold my beer" competition Northam is having with himself would be over. But Wreck-It-Ralph Northam sees it a different way:

NORTHAM: Well again we- we have worked very hard. We've had a good first year. And and I'm a leader. I've been in some very difficult situations. Life and death situations taking care of sick children. And right now—

KING: Because you're a doctor, yes?

NORTHAM: --right now, Virginia needs someone that can heal. There's no better person to do that than a doctor. Virginia also needs someone who is strong, who has empathy, who has courage and who has a moral compass. And that's why I'm not going anywhere.

So Northam is apparently telling Virginia (and the country), " And I am telling you I'm not going, even though the rough times are showing. There's just no way, There's no way."

Watch the interview below for Northam going full Jennifer Holiday:

Now we go to Wyoming representative and Red Skull's daughter, Liz Cheney. On CNN's "State of The Union," Jake Tapper asked Cheney about Trump's racist tweet regarding Elizabeth Warren. Wait, which one? Oh, right, this one, which we've already discussed this morning, but hey, let's do it again, because Liz Cheney is that much of an asshole:

The tweet that plays to Trump's inherent racism toward Native Americans and sexism toward Warren. The tweet where he makes a reference to The Trail Of Tears, where in 1838 more than thousands of Cherokee died of whooping cough, typhus, dysentery, cholera and starvation as a result of the 1,200 mile journey, marched by 7,000 soldiers at bayonet point.

TAPPER: The word trail in all-caps, an apparent reference to the tragedy the Trail of Tears. Just a few weeks ago, the president also made a reference to Wounded Knee in a joking manner when talking about Elizabeth Warren. You represent thousands of Native Americans in Wyoming. Do you concerns about the president joking about these horrific tragedies?

CHENEY: You know, I have concerns about somebody like Elizabeth Warren -- Warren pretending to be a Native American. You're absolutely right. I do represent thousands of Native Americans here in Wyoming. And the notion that anybody of any political party would pretend that they were a member of a tribe or would pretend that they were Native American and would do it, as she seemed to have done it, in order to get benefits, that is, in my view, the disgrace.
Seems Cheney took all the dark lessons her father had to offer her.
Considering this lie has been debunked before, Warren herself (for good or ill) also took that idiotic ancestry DNA test to show that the story she learned from her family wasn't bullshit. But it doesn't surprise anyone who knew of Donald Trump's racist past toward Native Americans that he would say this.

It's clear that Liz Cheney, who also happens to be ranked third in GOP House leadership, doesn't care about Native Americans. You only have to look at the last election to see Native American voting rights being trampled without a peep from the GOP, both in Wyoming and North Dakota. This was just another lesson in that.

So in case it hasn't become painfully clear to everyone by now something all Native Americans, Latinx or People of Color have known for decades: Decency only matters if decency matters to you.

Have a week!

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Michael Mora

Pop Culture observer & Comics fan. Amateur Movie Reviewer. Political Freelance Writer @wonkette. Marine, Husband & Dad. Opinions are mine only.

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Hello! Here a beautiful open thread for you to not comment all over, so that you don't not comment all over Dok's book club post.

I was gonna drop my Nonnie's recipe for Easter bread in here, but apparently it has to proof overnight and is also for approximately 87,000 people, so not much of a point to that! (Though here it is if you really want it. She doesn't do the egg thing, but if you want, you can put some dyed raw eggs in the braided dough before you bake. And you can add sprinkles, and anise if you're gross and like gross things) I was gonna try and make it myself last night, but have instead opted to just make waffles. Waffles are FINE.

So instead, I shall just leave you with this absolutely terrifying version of The Velveteen Rabbit starring Marie Osmond as said velveteen rabbit. Coincidentally, Marie Osmond is also Nonnie's 2nd arch-nemesis, after Rachel Ray (Rachel Ray because she doesn't pull her hair back when she cooks, and Marie for reasons I'm not entirely clear on but which I believe are related to a Weight Watchers commercial).

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT starring Marie Osmond - full length feature

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'Unemployed men queued outside a depression soup kitchen opened in Chicago by Al Capone' -- National Archives

Happy Day Before Half-Priced Easter Chocolate Day, Wonkers! Time to wrap up our Wonkette Book Club discussion of Winter War: Hoover, Roosevelt, and the First Clash Over the New Deal, by Erich Rauchway, a historian at UC-Davis. We're increasingly convinced the book might have just as well been titled Herbert Hoover: Christ, What An Asshole! As ever, even if you haven't finished the reading, jump in anyway -- there won't be a test!

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