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Rand Paul is getting his douchebro on today! And every day, of course. But Kentucky's "Maverick" Libertarian must have eaten an extra bowl of Wheaties this morning, because he is bringing his "A" GAME. Guess it's true that some kids just need a little positive encouragement to be all that they can be!

Last week Senator No Pants tried out for a spot on the President's Derp Squad. Would he make the cut????



Swing for the fences, buddy!

The entire intelligence establishment was shrieking in horror at the summer's blockbuster flop, Finland Fuckery: The Putin Grabbin'. But Senator Paul's style is more let bygones be bygones. That's why he was one of only two votes against additional Russian sanctions last year after they ratfucked our elections. (The other senator's name rhymes with Journey Flanders.)

Does the president need need someone to run interference on the Russia investigation? Put me in coach, I'm ready to play, TODAY.

Look at you, Rand! You really can be center field! All you have to do is pretend that the former CIA Director is revealing state secrets when he calls Donald Trump a treasonous weasel.

Here on Planet Earth, Trump tweets out his treason several times a day -- it's hardly classified intel.

Does Rand Paul want to specify what super seekrits he thinks the former CIA Director leaked to the "mainstream media"? HE DOES NOT. That would spoil the fun!

Instead he is having a very serious meeting with Donald Trump to encourage him to ceremonially strip Brennan of his security clearance because REASONS. Brennan's been out of government since January 2017, and presumably no one in the Trump administration has been sharing classified data with him since then. But pulling his clearance while baselessly using the "mainstream media" to slander him as a leaker might hurt Brennan's credibility when he goes on television and calls the president a dirty traitor. So looks like Rand Paul is about to be the real MVP on the Team Treason.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

And speaking of shameless whoring ... look at that little pissant claiming he has serious concerns about the fascist carpooler's nomination to the Supreme Court.

At this point, I'm undecided. But I try to weigh this in the perspective of, this could be a Trump nominee versus a Clinton nominee. So I am somewhat persuaded to have an open mind because this is President Trump, who did such a great job with Justice Gorsuch. I am worried, though, and perhaps disappointed that I think Kavanaugh will cancel out Gorsuch's vote on the 4th Amendment.

Rand Paul is taking a principled stand -- he will vote against all Clinton SCOTUS nominees! And he will furrow his brow and pretend to think hard about voting against his own party's SCOTUS nominee, too. See Rand Paul is committed to pretending that Justice Gorsuch would vote to stop the government from bulk data collection on 4th Amendment grounds. So committed that he's even pretending he'd sink Kavanaugh's nomination to protect American citizens from government intrusion.

Literally no one believes that Rand Paul will vote against Kavanaugh if his party needs him. At the risk of taking this sports metaphor too far, Rand Paul flops worse than Chris Bosh.

Simmer down, Rand. It's only Monday!

UPDATE: Sarah Sanders just announced from the White House podium that Trump is considering revoking security clearance from James Comey, James Clapper, Michael Hayden, Susan Rice, and Andrew McCabe. Because obviously the former heads of the FBI, Director of National Intelligence, NSA, National Security Advisor, and FBI acting Director are all lying leakers. That's why they spent their entire careers in intelligence. Right.

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Please click here to fund us. Looks like we're in for another BATSHIT CRAZY week!

[Bloomberg]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Yeah, that's definitely a repurposed animatronic Hillary (YouTube)

A whole bunch of protests were held today against the fake "president's" fake "emergency" declaration, with people turning out in cold crappy weather to call attention to the general nastiness of the guy who claims he absolutely had to do that declaration that wasn't necessary. Organizers with MoveOn.org said over 250 rallies were planned nationwide. So far, the national State Of Emergency doesn't appear to have caused any of the rallies to be cancelled, despite the very real possibility that terrified Honduran refugees fleeing violence in Central America might suddenly show up and ask for asylum.

Are there still actions taking place in your area? Check at MoveOn!

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WHAT. IS. PAUL. MANAFORT. HIDING?

Before Manafort pleaded guilty and signed up as a cooperating witness who didn't actually cooperate, we wrote this:

We have always kind of figured that Paul Manafort is the one who knows the whole Trump-Russia conspiracy story. He was the first big fish indicted, and they hit him for A LOT. Also note that just about all the other prosecutions that have come from the Mueller investigation so far have been farmed out by Mueller to different jurisdictions. Manafort, on the other hand, Mueller has kept squarely in his office. There has to be a reason for that.

Perhaps it's because, as this Josh Marshall podcast suggests, Paul Manafort, a foreign agent who worked for Oleg Deripaska, AKA Putin's favorite oligarch, and who got sideways financially with Deripaska, was literally sent into the Trump campaign by the Kremlin to do its dirty work. Perhaps the Steele Dossier is right when it suggests that the entire Trump-Russia election-stealing conspiracy was run by Manafort on the Trump side, and that others like (perhaps!) Michael Cohen only had to take over when Manafort's shit started to stink and the news media started reporting on his weird-ass Russian connections in the summer of 2016.

If it's possible, we are beginning to suspect it may be even worse than that.

On Friday, special counsel Robert Mueller issued his sentencing recommendations for Manafort, after DC district court Judge Amy Berman Jackson ruled conclusively that the shady motherfucker very intentionally lied and blew up his cooperating agreement. Because Manafort defaulted, Mueller is no longer bound to recommend that Manafort's sentence be reduced, and is free to throw the book right at Manafort's face. HARD.

And that is what Mueller did! To be clear, the sentencing memo is harsh.

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