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Rand Paul is getting his douchebro on today! And every day, of course. But Kentucky's "Maverick" Libertarian must have eaten an extra bowl of Wheaties this morning, because he is bringing his "A" GAME. Guess it's true that some kids just need a little positive encouragement to be all that they can be!

Last week Senator No Pants tried out for a spot on the President's Derp Squad. Would he make the cut????



Swing for the fences, buddy!

The entire intelligence establishment was shrieking in horror at the summer's blockbuster flop, Finland Fuckery: The Putin Grabbin'. But Senator Paul's style is more let bygones be bygones. That's why he was one of only two votes against additional Russian sanctions last year after they ratfucked our elections. (The other senator's name rhymes with Journey Flanders.)

Does the president need need someone to run interference on the Russia investigation? Put me in coach, I'm ready to play, TODAY.

Look at you, Rand! You really can be center field! All you have to do is pretend that the former CIA Director is revealing state secrets when he calls Donald Trump a treasonous weasel.

Here on Planet Earth, Trump tweets out his treason several times a day -- it's hardly classified intel.

Does Rand Paul want to specify what super seekrits he thinks the former CIA Director leaked to the "mainstream media"? HE DOES NOT. That would spoil the fun!

Instead he is having a very serious meeting with Donald Trump to encourage him to ceremonially strip Brennan of his security clearance because REASONS. Brennan's been out of government since January 2017, and presumably no one in the Trump administration has been sharing classified data with him since then. But pulling his clearance while baselessly using the "mainstream media" to slander him as a leaker might hurt Brennan's credibility when he goes on television and calls the president a dirty traitor. So looks like Rand Paul is about to be the real MVP on the Team Treason.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

And speaking of shameless whoring ... look at that little pissant claiming he has serious concerns about the fascist carpooler's nomination to the Supreme Court.

At this point, I'm undecided. But I try to weigh this in the perspective of, this could be a Trump nominee versus a Clinton nominee. So I am somewhat persuaded to have an open mind because this is President Trump, who did such a great job with Justice Gorsuch. I am worried, though, and perhaps disappointed that I think Kavanaugh will cancel out Gorsuch's vote on the 4th Amendment.

Rand Paul is taking a principled stand -- he will vote against all Clinton SCOTUS nominees! And he will furrow his brow and pretend to think hard about voting against his own party's SCOTUS nominee, too. See Rand Paul is committed to pretending that Justice Gorsuch would vote to stop the government from bulk data collection on 4th Amendment grounds. So committed that he's even pretending he'd sink Kavanaugh's nomination to protect American citizens from government intrusion.

Literally no one believes that Rand Paul will vote against Kavanaugh if his party needs him. At the risk of taking this sports metaphor too far, Rand Paul flops worse than Chris Bosh.

Simmer down, Rand. It's only Monday!

UPDATE: Sarah Sanders just announced from the White House podium that Trump is considering revoking security clearance from James Comey, James Clapper, Michael Hayden, Susan Rice, and Andrew McCabe. Because obviously the former heads of the FBI, Director of National Intelligence, NSA, National Security Advisor, and FBI acting Director are all lying leakers. That's why they spent their entire careers in intelligence. Right.

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[Bloomberg]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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photo by Dominic Gwinn

There was a time, a few months ago, when everyone had written off Elizabeth Warren. Well, not me, because I am a fabulous genius, but lots of other people. The "very reasonable" talking heads on all the various news channels, the kind of people who used to say things like "Oh, we'd like universal health care too, but 'the people' will never go for it!" but who definitely did not actually want universal health care for any reason, and even the Trump campaign. Though, to be fair, the Trump campaign didn't think Trump had much of a chance of winning in 2016 either.

But now, as more and more people hear her speak, hear her plans, hear what she wants to do and how she wants to do it... Elizabeth Warren is rising up in the polls. She's a contender. In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, she was closing in on Sanders for second place nationally, and in California and Nevada polls, she's in second place.

And now, according to a report from Politico, the Trump campaign is now scrambling and panicking and... stalking her?

Keep reading... Show less
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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

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3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

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