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Rand Paul is getting his douchebro on today! And every day, of course. But Kentucky's "Maverick" Libertarian must have eaten an extra bowl of Wheaties this morning, because he is bringing his "A" GAME. Guess it's true that some kids just need a little positive encouragement to be all that they can be!

Last week Senator No Pants tried out for a spot on the President's Derp Squad. Would he make the cut????



Swing for the fences, buddy!

The entire intelligence establishment was shrieking in horror at the summer's blockbuster flop, Finland Fuckery: The Putin Grabbin'. But Senator Paul's style is more let bygones be bygones. That's why he was one of only two votes against additional Russian sanctions last year after they ratfucked our elections. (The other senator's name rhymes with Journey Flanders.)

Does the president need need someone to run interference on the Russia investigation? Put me in coach, I'm ready to play, TODAY.

Look at you, Rand! You really can be center field! All you have to do is pretend that the former CIA Director is revealing state secrets when he calls Donald Trump a treasonous weasel.

Here on Planet Earth, Trump tweets out his treason several times a day -- it's hardly classified intel.

Does Rand Paul want to specify what super seekrits he thinks the former CIA Director leaked to the "mainstream media"? HE DOES NOT. That would spoil the fun!

Instead he is having a very serious meeting with Donald Trump to encourage him to ceremonially strip Brennan of his security clearance because REASONS. Brennan's been out of government since January 2017, and presumably no one in the Trump administration has been sharing classified data with him since then. But pulling his clearance while baselessly using the "mainstream media" to slander him as a leaker might hurt Brennan's credibility when he goes on television and calls the president a dirty traitor. So looks like Rand Paul is about to be the real MVP on the Team Treason.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

And speaking of shameless whoring ... look at that little pissant claiming he has serious concerns about the fascist carpooler's nomination to the Supreme Court.

At this point, I'm undecided. But I try to weigh this in the perspective of, this could be a Trump nominee versus a Clinton nominee. So I am somewhat persuaded to have an open mind because this is President Trump, who did such a great job with Justice Gorsuch. I am worried, though, and perhaps disappointed that I think Kavanaugh will cancel out Gorsuch's vote on the 4th Amendment.

Rand Paul is taking a principled stand -- he will vote against all Clinton SCOTUS nominees! And he will furrow his brow and pretend to think hard about voting against his own party's SCOTUS nominee, too. See Rand Paul is committed to pretending that Justice Gorsuch would vote to stop the government from bulk data collection on 4th Amendment grounds. So committed that he's even pretending he'd sink Kavanaugh's nomination to protect American citizens from government intrusion.

Literally no one believes that Rand Paul will vote against Kavanaugh if his party needs him. At the risk of taking this sports metaphor too far, Rand Paul flops worse than Chris Bosh.

Simmer down, Rand. It's only Monday!

UPDATE: Sarah Sanders just announced from the White House podium that Trump is considering revoking security clearance from James Comey, James Clapper, Michael Hayden, Susan Rice, and Andrew McCabe. Because obviously the former heads of the FBI, Director of National Intelligence, NSA, National Security Advisor, and FBI acting Director are all lying leakers. That's why they spent their entire careers in intelligence. Right.

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[Bloomberg]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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If it's a day, the New York Times is fucking shit up, but today, it fucked up BIGLY.

Fresh-faced access journalists Adam Goldman and Michael Schmidt have just published what we can only describe as a drive-by shooting against Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, which reads as some bullshit planted by the White House to give Donald Trump the pretext for his Saturday Night Massacre, if he wants it. (He does.)

Maybe the White House is tired of talking about the flailing nomination of Judge Maybe Rapey and how Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen are cooperating with special counsel Robert Mueller, and the New York Times was more than happy to help!

Or maybe it was planted by former deputy director of the FBI Andrew McCabe, who was fired by Attorney General Jeff Sessions just hours before his pension was set to kick in, and may have a serious axe to grind with DoJ officials and leaked a copy of his own memos. (His lawyer says that's not true, but he would say that, wouldn't he?)

Or maybe it's both, somehow! Or one of many other things!

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It's not every day Golf Digest gets noticed as a source of hard-hitting investigative journalism, at least outside of reviews of titanium carbon fiber nanotech infinite improbability drivers or some such. But Wednesday, some journamalisming that started with a Golf Digest story about a guy who drew fantastic imaginary golf courses concluded with that guy, Valentino Dixon, walking out of Attica prison, 27 years after he'd been sentenced for 39 years to life. Not bad, Golf Digest. We give you a GOLF CLAP. And a Pulitzer if we had one, which, sadly, we don't.

As Golf Digest says, the twists and turns of the case are a bit complex (they're unraveled in more detail in this New York Times story), but it basically comes down to a local prosecutor who was determined to railroad Dixon for the 1991 murder of a 17-year-old, Torriano Jackson, in Buffalo, New York. The conviction involved

shoddy police work, zero physical evidence linking Dixon, conflicting testimony of unreliable witnesses, the videotaped confession to the crime by another man, a public defender who didn't call a witness at trial, and perjury charges against those who said Dixon didn't do it.

Dixon had a prior conviction for selling cocaine, and he made a convenient target for Erie County prosecutor Chris Belling, who was weirdly determined to ignore even statements from the actual killer, LaMarr Scott, who pleaded guilty to the killing shortly before Dixon's release this week.

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