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Hiya, Rand Paul, how are you being terrible today? Doing a "filibuster"? Yelling at all the girl journalists, for not journalisming at you like you like? Telling jokes about your college Aqua Buddha hijinks when you "kidnapped" a lady, HAHAHAHA? (Probably not that, actually.)


Oh, HERE is how you are being terrible today:

The Kentucky Republican and presidential candidate released multiple statements Friday promising to use “all legislative vehicles” to “defeat and defund Planned Parenthood” next week. The statements on his Senate and campaign websites don’t directly mention the pending highway and transit legislation, but it is the next big-ticket item on the Senate’s to-do list, with a procedural vote set for Tuesday.

Hey, that's a great plan! Great senatoring, too. Also, presidential candidate pandering. Who cares about dumb things like funding our nation's transit systems when Planned Parenthood is, like, existing? What matters is that Sen. Dr. Paul saw that video -- you know which video, that bullshit one that "exposed" Planned Parenthood's senior medical director talking about doing abortions, which are legal, without even crying about it and apologizing for doing abortions, which are STILL legal, and donating fetal tissue to medical research, to save lives, which is ALSO legal.

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Rand Paul, who calls himself a doctor, is presumably familiar with how doctors talk about medical procedures without getting all weepy and saying, "It is such a terrible tragedy that we must remove the hoosit with the whatsit, from this body" (but medical-like). And also, presumably he is familiar with what fetal tissue is and how it is extracted and why it is good for researchers to be able to use it to develop treatments and cures to diseases, to improve and save the lives of people who are already borned. Whatever, today he is not a doctor, he is a blathering idiot conservative politician trying to woo his party's rabid conservative base, to become president, which is not going to happen. So, to do that, more gubmint business until he murders Planned Parenthood:

"The recent revelation that this taxpayer-funded organization is selling body parts of the unborn further proves that this agency deserves our scorn not our tax dollars,” he said in a statement. “I plan to do whatever I can to stop them and will introduce an amendment to pending Senate legislation to immediately strip every dollar of Planned Parenthood funding.”

We don't know if Rand Paul was one of the members of Congress, like Reps. Trent Franks and Tim Murphy, who watched that SO BAD video a month ago and shrugged "meh, whatevs." But now that the whole anti-choice movement is having itself a right hissy fit because Planned Parenthood exists and does healthcare to ladies, sometimes in their wombs, Rand Paul's eager to remind everyone he is still running for president, please pay attention to him and not just Donald Trump all the time, please?

Fuck you, Rand Paul, you miserable terrible no good lying dick. If you're not going to act like a doctor who knows better, at least try acting like a real senator who knows how to do his job. There, happy now?

[Politico]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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