Rand Paul, Liz Cheney Hate Each Other, Are BOTH RIGHT
Liz Cheney and Rand Paul don't like each other. It's their only political position that we support. Politico describes them as the "Hatfield and McCoys of the GOP." That's better than calling them the Republican "Montagues and Capulets" because we'd have to think about their kids fucking.
When Wyoming Senator Mike Enzi announced his retirement in May, Kentucky's second worst senator didn't waste much time trying to hobble Cheney's Senate aspirations. Paul encouraged former House member Cynthia Lummis to run for the open seat. Lummis was one of three Republican women in the House who referred to themselves as "congressman" and not "congresswoman." Now she wants to be a Senate-Man, and this complicates matters for Cheney. She already flamed out in a Senate primary when she tried to challenge Enzi in 2014.
Cheney and Paul have exchanged fire on social media and Sunday talk shows. Paul even called into a Casper, Wyoming, TV station and declared that Wyoming Republicans were tired of Cheney's support for "nation-building" abroad. The feud is a family affair. When Liz's reptilian father wanted to invade random countries for kicks, Ron Paul stated on the House floor that Iraq posed no serious threat to the US. Dick Cheney later backed Rand Paul's 2010 Senate primary opponent, and in turn Paul has endorsed Cheney's challengers in all of her House races. Yes, they are petty bitches.
There are legitimate ideological differences between the two, but they've resorted to personal insults as they argue over who loves Donald Trump the most. The answer to that question is always "Donald Trump," but Cheney and Paul think one of them can at least come in second. Paul praised Trump for firing John Bolton and not supporting "endless wars." Trump's foreign policy positions are more erratic than the ramblings from a crazy cat lady. Paul also dismissed Cheney as a "NeverTrump warmonger." Cheney supported Trump in the general election. She even stuck with him after the "Access Hollywood" tape. She's AlwaysTrump. She votes with him 96 percent of the time. Paul only manages 69 percent support. He's a few "no" votes removed from a common Joe Manchin.
A Tony award-winning actor played Liz Cheney in a major motion picture, and here's the real-life congresswoman dealing the dozens on Twitter. She even imitates the Razzie award-winning president's insult comic style and vernacular. It's embarrassing. Cheney humiliated herself further by boasting that she got to have dinner with the president, who probably served her Big Macs. Wyoming deserves better in a senator, but Paul is pushing for Lummis anyway.
PAUL: Cynthia Lummis is going to be the next U.S. senator from Wyoming. If [Cheney] runs, it may be the most significant Republican primary in the country. She'll have to decide whether she wants to match conservative credentials with somebody who actually lives in Wyoming and has been there her whole life.
Lummis is a partisan hack who has already booked an extended stay up Trump's ass. She kicked off her Senate campaign with a bunch of culture war gibberish about "liberals and socialists" who don't appreciate Wyoming's "way of life." They don't even know the difference between "horns and antlers." And she's right. We don't know and we don't care because it rarely comes up in conversation.
Apparently, defending Wyoming's "way of life" means supporting Trump's stupid WALL. Are migrant caravans preparing to settle in Grand Teton? Wyoming is predominately white and is less populated than Seattle. It's not the best place to infiltrate.
There's no compelling evidence that Lummis would vote that much differently in the Senate than Cheney would. Paul is kidding himself if he thinks she's another potential "libertarian-inflected" conservative. Trump's approval rating is the highest in Wyoming. He definitely knows the difference between horns and antlers (just like anyone else with five seconds to spare and access to Google).
However, Cynthia Lummis is objectively not Liz Cheney and that's probably good enough for Paul. She's polling well behind Cheney, though so it looks like Paul has picked another fight he's bound to lose.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.