Rand Paul: Why Help Iraqi Refugees? We Won, So Suck It, Losers.
Libertarian Superstar Rand Paul brought his trademark "Every issue must be discussed like a 2 AM bull session in the Objectivist Dorm" sensibilities to the issue of resettling Iraqi refugees, explaining that we don't need to help those people, because for godssake, we won the war over there. Doesn't anyone remember how we won that war?
It's not exactly news that a lot of Iraqis and Afghans who worked for American troops and bureaucrats now face getting murdered by radicals like ISIS, al Qaeda and the Taliban, and that the government has been insanely slow to help them. It's not like we invented this shit with Iraq and Afghanistan -- just look at how thoroughly we screwed South Vietnamese who had cooperated with Uncle Sam.
But in an interview Tuesday with Iowa rightwing podcaster Jan Mickelson, the most creative foreign policy thinker of our day Randsplained that maybe what would be best for everyone would be to leave Iraqi refugees in Iraq, so they can help make it the free-market, small-government paradise that George W. Bush promised:
"We won the war in Iraq, why would we be giving political asylum to people to come from a country where we won the war?” Paul asked. “It’s one thing if you’re trying to escape Castro or trying to escape communism in Russia or Vietnam or somewhere else or China, I can understand asylum, but when you win the war, why would you give people asylum? And if the 60,000 coming here are friends of the West, wouldn’t you want that 60,000 to be in Iraq helping to form a better country over there?”
Heck, now that everything's settled down over there, those folks should be out starting small businesses and doing a bunch of Liberty, instead of coming here expecting a free ride from Uncle Sugar. Don't they know they have a duty to Iraq? The alleged human being continued:
“If you let the better people, the people who like the United States leave and come here, then aren’t you diminishing the numbers of folks that would make that country a better place to live? So I think the whole idea of resettling 60,000 people from Iraq over here was a mistake."
He makes a compelling point, if you're a houseplant maybe. Mickelson, for his part, was less interested in what Iraqis could do for the country that we blew up for them and more worried about the effects of letting in All Those Muslims, which he says is part of a United Nations scheme to flood red states with Muslim refugees who will eventually do Sharia Law to places like Idaho. Mickelson was very, very worried about all those Somalis in Minnesota, including "over a thousand of those Somali Muslims [who] are now working at the airport. There's something wrong with that picture!" Mercy sakes, before you know it, the cab drivers will be scaring the white ladies or something, or maybe even elect a Muslim congressman to help them do terrorism at the airport.
Mickelson is riding a wingnut conspiracy theory that's almost as popular as the fear that the U.S. Army is getting ready to declare martial law in Texas; earlier this week, American Patriarchy Association spokesidiot Sandy Rios and Conservative Review editor
David Daniel Horowitz warned that a program to resettle 648 refugees from Syria is pretty much the "death of the Republic," which has been killed so many times already by Barack Obama that it might as well become a villain in a teen slasher flick. Horowitz is so terrified at the threat posed by this overwhelming tide of Islamics -- that's one Syrian refugee for every .0000203 Americans .0000203 of a Syrian Refugee for every single American! [update: math is hard and I was an English major --Dok Zoom] -- that he fretted America is on the verge of becoming exactly like Europe, so crawling with Muslims that Jews will soon have little choice but to flee the country! Maybe to someplace safe, like Israel, where there aren't any Muslims to speak of. Also, Horowitz somehow thinks that refugees from Muslim countries are connected to anti-Semitism on college campuses, which makes a lot of sense, too.
We're looking forward to Rand Paul's thoughts on that one. Maybe he thinks the 648 Syrians need to stay home so they can help make their country a nicer place to live, too.
[Correction: This article misidentified the idiot who's worried about the relentless tide of 648 Syrians. It's Daniel, not David, Horowitz. Wonkette regrets the error, although David Horowitz is also an idiot. Just not this time.]
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.