Rand Paul Will Tell Us The Bad Thing Hillary Clinton Did, Just As Soon As You Find It For Him
Rand Paul is not just a Bitcoin collector, self-certified "opthalmologist," and occasional senator. He's also a Citizen Journalist, and oooh boy howdy, has he got the dirtiest dirt on Hillary Clinton -- even dirtier than that time he scooped the story on how her husband got a hummer in the last millennium, and it was probably her fault. Or he will have it, anyway, if you'll find it for him:
“Do you have additional information about the Clinton Foundation accepting foreign contributions?” a page on Paul’s campaign website reads. Users can then enter their first and last names, along with their ZIP code, email address and the information they have.
Rand Paul has been insisting, quite authoritatively, that there are some scandalous scandals having to do with the Clinton Foundation, and we'll all know know about it soon enough, and that will be the end of Hillary Clinton forever bwahahahahahahahah!
“There’s going to be stuff coming out about the Clinton Foundation and their donations from different companies that get special approval from the secretary of state,” Paul said during a speech to the Susan B. Anthony List last week. “Coming out in the next couple of weeks.”
But if Ace Reporter Paul is asking The Internet to do his opposition research for him to find those nasty bits, seems he knows jack diddly squat, and he's simply crossing his fingers and hoping there might be A Bad Thing, and that will be the end of Hillary Clinton forever bwahahahahahahahah!
While there have been many "Maybe this is A Bad Thing!" things over the years, the only one that turned out to actually be a thing at all was beejgate, and for all the fretting about how parents would explain oral sexytime to their children, the kids are all right, actually. Turns out that even the trend of blowing each other all the time at rainbow parties has been, uh, overblown.
Still, it's probably better that Rand Paul waste his time and campaign dollars trying to find what he's sure is the very bad no good thing Hillary Clinton, or someone in her family, MUST have done (because Clinton) than trying to make a thing out of Hillary Clinton stealing handicapped parking spaces and eating a burrito.
Has he considered bankrolling award-winning journalist Chuck C. Johnson and his dive through Hillary's dumpster?
Maybe Rand Paul is right, though, and there is A Bad Thing to be scooped about the Clinton Foundation or Hillary's time as secretary of state, or something something Clintons SOMETHING BAD! But we're sort of doubting that story -- which may or may not exist, regardless of how many times Rand Paul clicks his heels, claps his hands, and says "I DO believe in fairies!" -- will be broken by a stoned drone-hating "libertarian except when it comes to vaginas" Paul supporter sending him a Hot Tip on his campaign website.